All My Friends Have Flaws

(This is my column from our diocesan newspaper for the month of May)

When I was growing up I was in awe of all the perfect people. Well, maybe they weren't really “perfect”, even back then I knew how impossible that was, but they were really, really good. Had their lives in order, did things they way there were supposed to, treated everyone fairly all the time. I saw those people in a lot of places but I really saw a lot of them in church. And not just right then but all those apostles and disciples too. They had this whole saint thing going on.

Then there was me. I was constantly getting things wrong. And I was constantly getting into trouble. Mostly little stuff but I just couldn't seem to keep my feet on the straight and narrow. In the middle of church service instead of thinking about God and praying and all that stuff everyone else seemed to be doing I'd be thinking about baseball. Or riding my bike. Or that cute girl I knew (that came a little later). I was a total flop at being a good Episcopalian. As far as living up to the Disciples (I always saw that word with a capital letter in my head. They were that good) I could just forget it. Clearly they were on a whole other plane from me. I was never going to get there. It really made the whole church thing a bummer.

As I got older and read the Gospels some more I realized that there was something very wrong with my thinking. Jesus was surrounded by a truly amazing group of screw-ups. He had people who didn't listen, or didn't do as they were told. They got caught up in power struggles and argued with each other (even with Jesus sometimes). They were scared when they should be brave.


The other thing that jumped out at me was that Jesus clearly didn't care. Yes, he corrected them when they were wrong. But he never bailed on them. It didn't matter if you had some nasty illness, if you were someone that “nice people didn't associate with”, even if you held a job where you treated people badly for your own profit. He talked and taught and loved old people and young people and rich people and poor people. In fact Jesus goes so far as to say it's the people in trouble, the people who are messed up, the people with flaws that he came to help.

The great thing about understanding this is it takes the pressure off of everybody. It's OK that I have flaws. It's OK that my friends have flaws. Because Jesus loves us and is here to talk with us and teach us. That's to help us deal with the flaws. In fact now I'm suspicious of people who try to pretend that they're too perfect, that they don't have any flaws. The very best, finest, most spiritual people I've ever met have flaws. A few less than I do probably but they still have flaws. Now I can see them as people just like me working on dealing with those flaws. Now I don't have to feel like I'm some failure because I didn't make perfection.

Then and now the followers of Jesus are real live human beings. Which means we have our stupid days and our clumsy days and our selfish days and our mean days. With a little help from God, and a little help from our friends we get over them. If we keep working at them maybe we don't have those bad times quite so often, or they don't last quite so long. Along the way we get the chance to help our friends and everyone else we meet work on their flaws too.

All my friends have flaws.

Thank you God!

Peace

BOGO Jesus

This is my column from the April issue of our diocesan newspaper

Sometimes I lean back in my chair and close my eyes (just to rest for minute) and I have the strangest dreams:

The Marketing Man burst into my office, filled with great ideas.

“I've got some great ideas about getting out your message about faith and ministry and all that other stuff”.
He seemed really excited as he paced back and forth across my office. His eyes were focused on some far distant place and his hands cut great swathes through the air as he gestured grandly.

“You gotta grab their attention. Hit 'em where they live, really slide right into what they're already thinking about. I'm thinking we make this whole church thing sexier. Some hot models in church shaking their...”

“Whoa”, I cried, “We really try to avoid the whole 'shaking' thing. Faith is about the fruits of the spirit, not being bootilicious”.

He paused a moment to ponder that idea. With a shrug of his shoulders he went on.

“Well if you insist. Then maybe we need to go high tech. Yeah, that's it. Lasers and big screens and speakers pumping out the 'bompa-bompa-bom-bom' till the windows rattle.”

“Well,” I responded, shaking my head , “I love the high tech toys as much as anyone. But lasers and big screens don't translate well into everyday life. We need to make sure they can carry their faith with them everywhere.”

A smile appeared on the Marketing Man's face.

“You're a tough one my friend. You're tough. OK, I've got it the perfect pitch for today. It's all about the price point. We go with a buy one get one offer. It can't miss!”

I almost felt like I was letting him down. The Marketing Man was trying so hard, working up all these ideas just for me. I stood up and putting my hands on his shoulders I looked the Marketing Man straight in the eye.

“I know you want to help but you don't seem to get the concept. A life in faith is about treating other with respect, caring for the individuals around you. Sometimes it happens alone, sometimes it happens in big groups. Sometimes it's flashy and colorful and sometimes it's just you all by yourself. It's not about some marketable event or product. It's about how you live your entire life. And the buy one get one thing? There is only one. And we give it away.”

The Marketing Man looked stunned and then he looked sad.

“I'm not the one who doesn't get it my friend. Taking care of OTHER people? Being respectful? Long term thinking over short term gratification? And giving it away?!?!?! That'll never fly”

He muttered sadly to himself as he gathered his briefcase and walked out the door.

I opened my eyes with a realization.

It's not about what program or curriculum we use. It's not about the latest music or video or podcast. It's not about being “hot” or “relevant” or “high tech”. It's about the love of God that surrounds us and warms us. It's about how we share that love with everyone around us. It's about how we live our lives as an expression of that love.

And then I turned to my computer and I began to write.

Peace

Are You Ready?

This is my column from the March issue of our diocesan newspaper

When I was in college a group of us discussed “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. There was one answer that puzzled me. A young lady in the group said she wanted to be a “star”. That puzzled me then and it puzzles me now. Based on the lives of some of our current generation of “stars” the concept looks greatly overrated. Then and now what I hope for IF I ever grow up is that I'll be good enough at what I do to earn the respect of the people around me. Maybe someday I'll get a shot at being a star (I'd do it right of course) but if I don't that's OK too. I want to be ready to do the right thing when the moment arrives.
I was thinking about that concept after this year's Super Bowl. Going into the game we knew who the “stars” were. Brady, Moss, Manning, Strahan. We expected them to do their star thing, to lead the way, to be the “story” of the Super Bowl. Instead we got David Tyree. Caught the first of the two Giants' touchdowns and made that incredible, holding-the-ball-against-his-helmet catch. David Tyree is going to be on NFL highlight films for the next 20 years.

Coming into that game David Tyree was about as far from a “star” as you can get.

For the season Tyree was the 12th most productive receiver on the team. He caught 4 passes. Four. None of them for touchdowns. He played in 12 games out 16 in the regular season and caught four passes. Two rookies caught more passes than he did.

But at the moment when he was needed, David Tyree was ready.

Sometimes it feels like the “star” game works its way into Christianity. We hear Christians who talk about being “Prayer warriors”, how strong in the faith they are, about what great mission work they're doing, how many souls they brought to Jesus. I'll admit that I even buy into sometimes. I look at them and think “Wow, I can't do that. They're accomplishing so much more.” It makes me feel bad. On really bad days it makes me wonder if I shouldn't just pack it in. I can never be a “star”. Sainthood is beyond my grasp. Besides St. Jay of Jamestown just sounds silly.

When I stop and think about it I realize I don't need to be a star. I need to work on being the best possible me I can. David Tyree showed up for practice every day. He worked hard. Most days no one other than his teammates looked at him twice. Until Super Bowl Sunday.

I don't know when my Super Bowl Sunday of faith may arrive. So I have to prepare every day, work on being the best child of God I can be at the moment. It's possible I'll never be a “star”. The day may come when I get the chance to show what a life in faith should look like. The day may come when I need to be a vehicle for Christ in the world. In fact those days probably come a lot more often than we realize.

Are you ready?

Peace.

Are We Willing to Listen?

One of my favorite TV shows involves small companies that find themselves in terrible financial shape. If things don't change very soon they will have to close their doors. So they invite an internationally known expert in to help. He's run their kind of business successfully on two continents, has written books and starred on TV. The expert tells them what they need to do to survive and seems to really want them to succeed.
What amazes me week after week is how much resistance he gets from the people he's trying to help. Remember these are businesses that are on their last legs. If doing things their way had been a good idea they wouldn't have to call in this guy. But they stubbornly stick to what they “know” about how to run the businesses.
As I watched the show the other day I started to laugh because it struck me how much the situation is like our relationship with Christ. (I laughed because this is probably the ONLY time this expert will ever be compared to Christ. He's abrupt, he's insulting and he needs to be “bleeped” about every fourth word.) We may not be on our “last legs” spiritually (but maybe we are) but we aren't operating under ideal circumstances either. In church speak you hear the words sinful, fallen, broken, imperfect or even dysfunctional. Whatever term you choose it means we're not functioning at our best. We're not getting the maximum amount of joy out of our existence. (Quick note I believe there's a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness comes and goes with the winds of this world. Joy comes from much deeper and isn't as easily swayed by what goes on in the world. I believe that joy is what God wants for us.) Our outside expert is Jesus. He knows what it means to live this life, he understands what needs to be done and has some simple, straightforward answers on what needs to be done. Better yet he's willing to take the time to work it out, and he doesn't suffer from the potty mouth syndrome of the guy on TV!
Unfortunately all too often we act like the people on TV. Yes, we understand what we need to be doing. Yes, we understand that we'd be better off doing some parts of our lives differently. Yes, yes, yes. BUT. But I'm really more comfortable doing it this way. But it's not really hurting anyone. But no one else is doing THAT, everyone is doing THIS. As illogical as it seems from the outside once we start dealing with what goes on inside ourselves suddenly we find things that we just can't/won't/don't want to change. We will fight to cling to ideas and behaviors that will make us not only unhappy but that keep us from being joyful.
The funny thing is that Jesus managed to sum up everything pretty neatly. He points out (Matthew 22:36-40) that everything grows out of just two concepts. It's not a long shopping list of dozens of things to do, it's just two ideas long.
Love God completely, and love your neighbors the way you'd like to be loved. Simple. Not easy mind you but not all that complicated.
So let's make our goal to not live our lives like those people on TV. Let's listen to the expert and see what our lives could look like.

Peace

Thinking about Thinking

This was my column from the SEPTEMBER issue of our diocesan newspaper. Not sure how I missed posting it. I'll have the November column (I had no October one) later this week

I've been thinking about thinking. Our country has a long history of suspicion of people who “think too much”. Our current consumer culture works our emotions to insure that we DON'T think, just buy, buy, buy. In fact I believe that the current trend to create more and more rules, guidelines and standards is part of a movement to avoid thinking. Some folks simply want us to do as we are told, supposedly in the name of greater order, justice or truth. I think (oops, there's that word) we need to think about that.

One of the problems with that mindset is that it goes against what faith teaches us. Literally from the time of the disciples people have been frustrated because Jesus insisted on making us think. The most common examples are the parables.

Quick note on parables. A parable is a short story designed to teach a lesson. Parables have been around for a VERY long time. Jesus taught using parables at least 30 times. Despite the simplicity of the stories some (many, most?) of the parables have caused confusion. Over the years of reading I've come to the conclusion that being puzzling is part of the point. Not because Jesus was trying to hide things from us but because he wants us to think.

Some of them, like ones about sheep or farming or vineyards, can be confusing because I grew up in the suburbs and don't know anything about that stuff. But it's not just me. There are enough instances of the disciples coming back to Jesus asking for an explanation to help me feel not quite so stupid. Jesus used images that would have been pretty familiar to folks in that time and place. But he used them in ways that turned them on their heads, forcing his listeners, then and now, to look at them differently. One of the challenges we face is that we've heard some of these stories so many times (The Prodigal Son, The Good Samaritan as examples) that we're tempted to stop thinking about them. We know what they say, we don't have to think about them. Doing that means that we don't let them really sink in and affect our lives.

OK, now I'm just going to flat out steal from Jesus. In the Parable of the Leaven (you'll find it in chapter 13 of both Matthew and Luke) Jesus talks about a little bit of something simple getting mixed in with the everyday stuff and helping it grow. If you don't mix the leaven (leaven is a bit of bread dough that's been allowed to ferment. It was used to help bread expand when baked) you'll get a little bit of surface change but not much else. Thinking is the mixing in of that little bit of something to change the whole thing. Thinking takes you to questions like “What does that really mean?” and “How does/should that effect me?”. It can take you to some uncomfortable places but it will help avoid even worse ones.

Thinking is a great gift from God. Like all gifts it needs to be treated carefully. Clearly God wants us to exercise that gift. That's why Jesus didn't just hand us a new set of standards, guidelines and rules. He told us stories. Stories designed to make us think.

Peace

The big day is coming

This is my column for the June edition of our diocesan newspaper "ChurchActs"

If you're a senior in high school it's almost here. The day you have been looking forward to for the last several years. The big day. THE BIG DAY.
Yes, the day when all the routines of your life for the last twelve years end. When more is going to be expected of you. The day when you are not only going to have to start making most of your own decisions but you're going to have to live with them. For better or worse. From that day on the concept of a job is no longer just a part time concept but rapidly becomes your full time life. Oh yeah, and that whole “summer vacation” thing? Pretty much ends on that day too.
Sure you thought that graduation day was going to be major party time. “No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks” forever and ever amen time, right? Off to college, or out into the world to get a job. Not a kid anymore. On your own, making your own rules, living large.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: The easy part of your life is now over.

I get the feeling I'm not exactly making your day at the moment. That's OK it gets better from here.
Life does get more complicated from this point on. Beyond the college or not question you'll get into questions about marriage and mortgages, cars and kids, promotions and pension plans. Makes you long for the days when the biggest complication in your life was realizing you forgot to do a term paper. So you need to know that you don't have to go it alone. God has provided a graduation present for you. It's an easy one to forget to pack and take with you. It's your life in faith.
When I hit graduation day I was in a big hurry to leave most of my old life behind. There's an old joke that goes “When I went to college my father was dumber than a box of rocks. Four years later it was amazing how much that old man had learned!” As I've grown older not only did I discover how much my parents still had to offer me but also how my church still had to offer.
When times were hard my faith family has been there. I left my graduation present behind for a good number of years. I spent a fair while going it alone, away from my faith. I survived, even had a few successes. Those were easy to handle by myself. It was when things went wrong that it was toughest.
Let me be clear. I'm NOT saying you have to keep doing your faith life the way you did it as a kid. I AM saying that you need to keep doing your faith life. When times are bad it is a great comfort. In times of happiness it increases the joy.
The big day is almost here. Life starts getting more complicated. If you remember to take all your graduation presents you can face those complications with greater strength, greater joy, greater support. There's a complicate, exciting, scary, wonderful world waiting for you on the other side of that day. Let your faith help you to find the way into that amazing future.

Congratulations on graduation.

Peace

Complexity

This is my April column for our diocesan newspaper


It feels strange after six years of talking about how we're all seriously over scheduled to find myself about to advocate increasing the complexity of our lives. Recently I was listening to a radio interview that got me thinking desirable, even necessary complexity. I came to the realization that we may be working far too hard to simplify our lives.
Now I've totally confused you, right?
Here's what I mean by bad simplification versus good complexity. As I look around at all the modern wonders of our lives I realize they all have one thing in common. They allow us to shut one another out. On several of the online forums I visit they have a function that allows you to “ignore” people you don't like. Just tell the computer to ignore this poster and YOU NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN! You can do the same thing with instant messaging (IM). Even on the forums where you don't have an ignore function you can just skip over people you don't like. They never even have to know. Our computer and video games are under our control. Don't like the way the game is going? Simply put it on pause. Or just delete that session. Problem gone. If I don't want e-mail from you I just tell my spam filter that your e-mail address is spam and POOF! I never have to read one of your e-mails again. On my cell phone if you call, I see your number and I don't answer it. With the right service on your home phone you can do the same thing.
It's all so simple. I only have to deal with who and what I want.
You see the problem is that people are complicated. They all have their own needs and their own wants and their own problems. Other people are great at causing complications in your life, wanting you to change your plans, putting new questions and choices in front of you. It's irritating and frustrating, and just plain angry making! We ALL wish that we had an “ignore” option or a “pause” button in real life. But we don't. As people of faith we are in fact called to face up to that complexity, to try and help people find the answers and deal with their issues.
Does that mean you should never be able to get away from these complicating people? Of course not. Jesus gives us a great model to follow. When all the complications around him got too much he would go away with just a few of his friends. And when even they got too much he would go away by himself. It's a model that we should use every day of our life. Remember that after some time to himself Jesus ALWAYS went back out to take on the complications.
Our lives are too busy. At the same time we need to make sure that our lives are appropriately complicated. We need one another complications and all. That pause or ignore option is awfully tempting at times. Using it too much robs us of the richness around us, it steals from us and from the people in our lives.
It's time to walk away from all the simplicity in our lives and grab a little complexity.

Peace

Spamming God

(This is my column for the March issue of our diocesan newspaper)

I hate spam. I mean the useless junk e-mail, I actually love the meat in a can. Every day I get tons of it(e-mail spam) for things I don't want, don't need and usually don't want to think about. But it keeps rolling in. Over the years I've found ways to help slow down the spam and to filter it out quickly so I can find the stuff that's really important.

I'm not quite sure how that led me to think about God but it did. I began to think about all the things that people pray for, some good, some bad. And I wondered if God ever thought of it as spam? Are we wasting the divine bandwidth with a lot of nonsense, a lot of selfish stuff? Is His inbox just overflowing with offers, requests, deals, and demands that He's just NOT interested in?

The more I thought about it the more my thoughts began to change on the subject. My first thought was “Yes, we all spam God with junk and we ought to stop”. I know in my own case some of what I pray for is pretty “poor, poor pitiful me” kinds of whining. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. But the longer I thought about it the more I thought “Are you really going to write a column telling people to pray less, to censor their talks with God? Do you really think WE should be deciding what is or isn't a waste of HIS time?”

So upon further reflection I've decided that God has the bandwidth to handle whatever we decide to send his way. His inbox has no upper limit on his storage space. There is no spam in the prayer life that exists between us and God. That's not to say that some of what we send out isn't whiny and selfish and not what is best for us. I keep remembering a line from the 1970's movie “Oh God” where the character of God is asked if he answers every prayer. He answers “Yes, and sometimes the answer is no.” God reads every e-mail we send him, spam or not. He considers our needs, our real needs, not just what we think our needs are. And every e-mail gets an answer. In real life the experts tell us not to respond to spam because you'll just insure that you get more spam. You let the other person know that there really is someone there and they'll keep sending you more and more and more.

I think that's just fine with God. Every request, no matter how important or trivial is a place for you and God to continue to talk. I think that's the goal. Just keep the lines of communication open, knowing that sometimes the answer will be no.

So keep on spamming.

Peace

I got credit with Jesus!

This is my column for the December issue of our diocesan newspaper "ChurchActs"


Christmas. Credit cards. Big bills. It can really suck the fun out of life. I started thinking about the whole credit idea.
In this case I'm not talking financial credit. What jumped into my mind was a kind of spiritual credit. One that gets misused an awful lot. It's the credit some people think they build up with Jesus. The thinking goes something like this:
“Well, I went to church three times this month, and I served on the last Happening team, and I was nice to everyone, even you-know-who, though they didn't deserve it. So now it's OK if I have a little fun”.
“Fun” usually means “things I know I probably shouldn't be doing or will make my parents/people mad”. The idea is that as long as your “credit report” balances out you're OK. You just want to make sure that you're at least even, or even better, just a bit up on the “good” side over the “bad” side. A lot of people of all ages like to play this kind of credit game with Jesus. Somehow we convince ourselves that it's good enough to be good most of the time, a majority of the time, more often than not. And that this makes the other stuff (lying, cheating, sneaking around behind someones back, or worse) no big deal. If this is the way you've been thinking I have some bad news for you:

Your credit report stinks.

A relationship with God isn't about trying to make the best deal you can. We've already been handed the best deal there is between Christmas and Easter. When we get caught up in trying to “balance” the report what we're really saying is “I'm not really interested in changing. How much do I have to offer to get you to leave me alone?” Well there's good news and bad news. The good news is that God won't ever leave you alone. The bad news is that God won't ever leave you alone! While we know we can't be perfect we need to at least try not to be imperfect. Our culture doesn't want to believe it but it's actually easier and more fun to live life governed by the two concepts of Love God and Love One Another. Love is the “cash” of a life lived in faith. If I follow those rules I'm not going to do things that treat my relationships with God and other people in ways that are damaging. When I treat everything and every one around me with respect life becomes MUCH simpler. I don't have to make up stories to cover or remember which ones I've told. I don't have to avoid people because I'm ashamed or afraid of what they might think or say.

A life without credit is hard to get used to at first. When you get rid of it you realize what a burden it has been. It weighs down everything in your life.

There's no credit with Jesus. “Cash” only.

Peace

On the value of boredom

(This is my column from the November issue of ChurchActs, my diocesan newspaper)

I have a recommendation for you that you're going to think is boring. But this is good boredom, productive, maybe even profitable boredom. So you need to think about it.

Boredom seems to be at the top of the list of “Things that must never happen to me” today. Our American culture has longstanding problems with the idea. Whether you call it downtime or idleness there is a distrust of the concept. “Idle hands are the devil's workshop” is a piece of alleged wisdom that has been handed down for generations. I would remind you that the devil has done some pretty good work with busy hands too.

There are studies out there that boredom is good for you. It actually gets different brain cells fired up, often the ones associated with creativity. That increased brain function can help you feel calmer, relieve stress, help you learn better and make you feel more in control. So a little boredom may be a good thing for you.

So what's this boredom I'm talking about? It's also an old concept in the faith community and one that is making something of a comeback these days. It's called Sabbath. I'd bet most of us can come up with the definition of “A day of rest”. The real question is how many of us really try to live out that concept anymore. The idea of a day of rest (a recommendation from God, no less) is really about time off from your regular life. Time off from your job, school, your everyday routine. The problem for many of us is that even our “rest/play” time has become a job. It's one thing to round up some kids from the neighborhood for a game of some sort and another to have scheduled practices, games and tournaments. So what I want you to think about is simply time to do nothing. A total break from all the things you usually do. Time that you're going to think is pretty boring.

Taking this time, this sabbath, is important. It's important because it will make you stronger. Sabbath time is meant as more than just goofing off time. Sabbath is holy time, time to share with God. It's a space in your life that isn't pressurized. Time to think about you and God, about what God wants for you and from you, and how you're doing. Out of that will grow strength, calm, and a deeper relationship with your creator. You'll also discover that it'll stop being boring pretty quickly.

So how do you do this whole sabbath thing? Trying to take a whole day off right from the start is next to impossible. So let's start small. Carve out about 5-10 minutes every day (all in a chunk) that you can set aside. Time when folks won't bother you, when you can turn off the cell phone, the TV, the computer and just sit. Don't worry about having something “to do” right away. Just start up a conversation with God. Ask the questions that bother you, talk about what really made your day, pray for the people in your life who need it. Pray for yourself. Pray for the people who make you happy and the ones who don't. After you've done that for a couple weeks add a longer sabbath once a week. Take a half an hour and do something more intensive. Read a short portion of the bible (where do you start? As Episcopalians we have a daily reading schedule available to us. It's called the Lectionary and there's one in every prayer book. Check out the section marked “Daily Office”, we're in year 2 till the end of this month, then we flip over to year 1 again. Easy!), read some other book that has to do with faith or that makes you think. Then spend the rest of the time thinking about what you read, what does it mean, why on earth did they keep that in there?

Once you've gotten started you'll find there are all kinds of other things you can do to really make your sabbath time rock. You may even get to the point where you can do a whole day of rest. From my own experience I think you'll find that things become clearer, that life becomes easier to handle and that you'll be happier.

And you certainly won't be bored.

Peace

( A note to Parents: It is vitally important that we help our kids make time for God in their busy lives. If your child wants to find a Sabbath during the day help them clear that time and protect them from intrusions. Sabbath doesn't have to be only solo time. Finding a family sabbath time can be a great practice for everyone to share.)