Holy Noise

(This was originally published in the March issue of ChurchActs, the diocesan newspaper of the Diocese of WNY)

I going to try and cause some trouble this month.

A 6-year-old inspired me.

The 6-year-old in question is Margaret , oldest daughter of my rectors. A couple of months ago Margaret decorated her father’s office door with notes that read: Church is Fun, Church is Great, We Love God, I Love Church, Church Rules.

(In the spirit of journalistic integrity I suppose I should mention that one reads “Church is about my Dad”. I expect her mom will straighten out that theological question for her)

What grabbed me was that here was a young person who was EXCITED about being in church. Even though she really doesn’t have a choice, she HAS to go. It got me thinking about how we manage to lose that by the time most of us hit our teen years. What happens? Where does all that excitement go and is there anyway to get it back?
Books have been written on this subject by folks who are supposedly a lot smarter than I am so I don’t think I’m going to set the world on fire in 800 words or less. But let me bounce an idea off you. It sounds pretty honor society at first but stay with me (at least till we get to the part where I ask you to start causing trouble at church). We begin to lose the excitement when we realize that the words we say have come disconnected from their meanings. A word without meaning is just mouth noise – BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and BLAH. Sound familiar? We use words that have no apparent connection to what we’re doing. Example? Check out page 354 in your BCP. It’s the page right before Holy Eucharist Rite Two begins. It gives instructions on how this service is to be done. The title reads “Concerning the Celebration”. Quick somebody grab a dictionary! My dictionary defines celebration as to show happiness that something good or special has happened. How often does what you see in church look like a celebration? Even if you like church do you walk out feeling like you celebrated? My bet is that most of us don’t, even when we liked the sermon or the music or whatever. If there’s a downside to our beloved Book of Common Prayer it may be that the words become very comfortable, very routine. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even need the Prayer book open in front of me. It’s great I can say all the words of the service while my mind is thinking about important things…

Uhhhhhh, wait a minute.

Here’s where I want to cause some trouble. There are several words or phrases that I think we’ve let get away from their meanings. I want to bring them back into connection. All it means is making a little holy noise during church. Ready?

Alleluia – My Bible dictionary says it means Praise God! Whattya think? We should definitely mumble that one right? Wrong answer! This is a word that we can put a little oomph into. This is an invitation to praise God. When someone praises you is it more believable when they put some emotion into or if they just kind of mumble it?
The modern equivalent would be a “Yeah, All right, Booyah!” kind of a feeling.

Amen – Not every amen needs to thunder up into the rafters but the word means let it be so, Yes! Now some of these can be quieter but why can’t we really ram a prayer home with a good loud AMEN!

Then there’s my favorite:

Thanks Be to God – This one we should definitely sound like we’re about to doze off on. And it comes up several times. “The Word of the Lord” ZZZZZZZZZZZ My favorite is right at the end of the service “Let us go forth into the world, rejoicing in the power of the Spirit” ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Come on people! Let’s pump up the volume. “Let us bless the Lord” THANKS BE TO GOD!

Take some time and look to see what other words have come disconnected from their meaning or intent. Figure out how to reconnect them and do it. Let me warn you some of the adults are going to get grumpy about it. You’re going to catch some looks and maybe some people will get in your face about it. Just tell them that you’re excited about being in church and that excitement just came busting out. If that doesn’t work blame me.

I intend to blame the six-year-old.

Peace

Thinking about bibles

Well I've fallen behind again on my updates. I keep trying for two a week but only get one. Sigh. Another discipline left lacking.

I was thinking about bibles the other day (it kept me from actually doing the work I had waiting). There have always been a bible around me if only the one given to me by my god parents at my baptism. It's a beautiful leather bound KJV with gilt edged onion skin pages. The Christmas passages in Luke are wrinkled from snow flakes that fell on them as I read the story around a campfire years ago. I don't remember why I was there or even where there was but I carry that reminder in my bible. To be honest that's about the only sign of use you'll find in that book. It has a very nice box with a maroon cover. The bible has resided most of its life inside that box safe and secure. Upon reflection I understand that in my mind I've always felt that it was far too valuable to just have lying around. I mean, it's THE BIBLE!

That's where my problem with bibles really begins. When I started my first serious bible study group my wife and I bought a brand new study bible. The first time someone suggested that I write questions or comments in the margins I was appalled! Whatta you nuts?!? It's THE BIBLE! Somehow that construct of paper, cloth, glue and ink had an aura around it that made it holy and untouchable and beyond mere mortals. I felt almost guilty just reading it. I am a man of unclean thoughts, hands, lips, eyes you name it. Jeez do they let just anybody start messing around with this thing?

As I've traveled a little farther on the journey I've discovered the answer to that question is "Why yes we do". And that really sets off other members of this family of faith. Which is a whole nother topic. This is an amazing book filled with incredible stories, many of which I'd never heard before or only heard parts of them (like drunk, naked Noah) It challenges me and confuses the hell out of me. I'm never quite sure what to do with all of it. The part that grabs me is the New Testament. The Hebrew bible portion is wonderful too, I keep a quote from it framed in my office (Isaiah 6:8). But it is the story of the Nazarene that captures me. I pore over the stories, comparing them wondering at their accuracy. Miracles, mistakes and masses of people. Who was this man and what does he want from me? And which version of the story is "right"? Hell, which one comes closest? I struggle with it and every time I read it I find something that hadn't dawned on me before.

I treat the physical bible with a lot less reverence these days. My study bible shows some serious wear and tear, and lots of notes! I read several different versions to get many different views of the thoughts contained in the words. And I've learned that I don't much care what the bible says but I'm very concerned with what the bible means. It's a hard book and a scary book. I'll keep on thinking about it and what it means. Maybe some day it'll all become clear to me.

Peace

On aging gracefully

I'm limping a bit today. You see I play indoor soccer each week at one of the local Y's. I am not now nor have I ever been an athlete. I was the geeky kid who knew all the answers in school. Always picked either last or next to last (what a great triumph that is when you move to next to last or even next-to-next-to-last! It means there's at least one person lower on the food chain than you. Take your victories where you can).

Anyway about 10 years ago I got talked into joining this recreational indoor soccer league. One night a week, mostly guys in their 30's and 40's with a smattering of folks at either extreme. And I fell in love with it (about the same time I started playing golf too. Apparently my mid life crisis started at age 35 and involved sports. Cheaper than a mistress and/or a divorce). I've never been better than a mid-level player in this league but that was pretty good for someone with as little on my sporting resume as I have. It was fun, great exercise, a way to make new friends. It also became a running bit on my radio program for years. I dubbed us "Team Old Fat Guys" and we entered into local legend. Today there's only a couple of us still playing. It's still fun, it's still great exercise, I just have to work at it harder.

But last night was great. The game was wide open. I had pretty good wind and I was handling the ball well (a skill that comes and goes for me). In the end we won and I scored twice! Not my biggest night ever (I have a dozen or so hat tricks all told and one glorious night when I scored four times) but the best in a while. The problem came later as my right knee got tighter and tighter. This morning I was fine as long as I didn't flex the knee. Not good. Visions of torn ligaments and knee surgery dance through my head (the scars would be kinda cool though "Yeah got those when they repaired my ACL. Blew it out scoring two goals in soccer" Ah the dreams of the weekend warrior. Then I remember I hate all things related to medical procedures).

Am I too old for this? People have been telling me that for years now. I keep telling them I'll play as long as the knees let me (Hmmmmmm). In reality I'll play as long as my body doesn't give out and I'm not the worst player in the league. There's still a couple guys that are definitely below me on the totem pole.

I don't ever want to go back to being the last one picked.
Peace

Some post Super Bowl thoughts

I've spent most Super Bowl Sundays over the last decade just the way I spent it last night, with my youth group from church. It's great fun, lots of food and talk and shouting and good natured ribbing. I really enjoy it.
Plus this year we had a least a half of good football to watch and most of the commercials were pretty cool too. So a pretty good year on the whole.


Well there was the half time show...


IMHO, what a complete and utter waste of time and energy. Not just this one but all the mega-production ones of the last good many years. This year's was just a classic example of what NOT to do. First there's the whole lip synch-ing thing. Yes I'm aware of the problems of trying to sing in an environment that loud with those kinds of echoes. It's incredibly difficult. How do they do it normally when these artists perform in arenas? Easy they have a day or more sometimes to set up the stage and work out the details. This stage gets set up and torn down with a performance in the middle in about 35 minutes. So you lip synch. I understand. It's just boring to watch. Then you crowd the stage with multiple "big name" stars who all get about 120 seconds to "perform" so they go for the over the top bombastic silliness that doesn't show them at their best. But then this isn't really about "performing" as much as it is about being seen. This is ALL glitter with no substance. It's pop culture at it's worst. Heck I kinda like kid rock and Miss Janet but what a waste of time.
And speaking of Miss Janet and Justin I-got-no-talent-lake (yes, that was a completely egregious shot at him. But let's get serious who thinks ANYONE will still care about Justin and his music 2 years from now? 5 years from now? I worked in pop radio for 20 years. He has pop flash written all over him) Watching Justin and Miss Janet do their little bump and grind routine knowing that she's old enough to be his Momma was just a little disturbing. (What was more disturbing was hearing one of the girls in the room with me agree that an older woman with a younger man was just WRONG but that the other way around was OK) Then there was the whole "Ooops, did I do THAT?!?" stupidity. Hey Justin keep your hands off a lady's boob while in public and this won't happen to you!

What we saw at halftime was just wrong. It was a waste of whatever talents the singers and dancers involved brought to the stage. It was a waste of time to watch. It was the perfect highlight of everything that is Wrong With Our Culture. It was shallow, stupid (meaning it had an thought quotient near zero) it raised up booty shakin and casual sex as legitimate ideals of conduct.


Hey I'll give them this much they hit the trifecta - Artistically, Intellectually and Morally bankrupt.


Thank God the second half had some decent football in it.
Peace

A decided lack of profundity

I was chatting with a young friend of mine on IM last week (thank you Tim!) and he kicked me down a new path in my thinking about this blog. Tim mentioned that he had been doing some reading on the site and I apologized for not having come up with something in over a week. I explained that my "method" was to try and get something done each week. His comment was pretty neutral but it sprung my thinking in a whole new direction. Tim commented that it was better to try for a couple times a week because people just want to know you're OK.

BOOOIIIIIINNNGGGG!

You see I get all caught up trying to be profound. It's not that I have an especially high opinion of myself (OK, I have a slightly higher than normal opinion of myself but not out of touch with reality). I just don't want to waste the time of whoever drops by to read these little diatribes of mine. They should be worthy of your investment.

So sometimes it's a week or two before I come up with something I think is profound. Which you may find idiotic. Is it possible to be sprung to something more profound from some simple honest communication? Seems like Tim managed to do that without trying much at all. I know that he's busy with college classes and a really special young lady who is way too far away for both their liking (Hey, Kels!). Providing profound inspiration for some looney middle aged youth minister is nice if it happens but probably doesn't pop up on his To-Do list very often.

But it happened. And I'll thank Tim for the nudge, intended or simply serendipitous. Yeah I'll still keep trying for profound. But I think I'll just try a little more often with whatever wanders by.

Heck that's what it says in the title no less.

Peace

(This was originally published in the January 04 edition of "ChurchActs" the newspaper of the Diocese of WNY)


I’ve been thinking about a line from 1 Corinthians (13:11) that says “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I put away childish things.” That transformation, from child to adult, is what you’re going through when you’re a teenager. It saddens many parents how vehement some teens are about shedding anything and everything that smacks of “kid stuff”. The questions that nag at me are: “What qualifies as childish ways? Are there parts of childhood/youth that are worth keeping?” I have a few thoughts on making your way through the process from child to adult.

Don’t be in a hurry: Trust me, I’ve been an adult for over 20 years now and it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. You live in the best time and place in the history of the world to be a teenager. Take this time, use it, and yes, even enjoy it! The process takes time. As you’re going through it seems to take forever. How long? I can pretty much guarantee you won’t be through it when you graduate from High School. For some folks it can be years beyond that. The Book of Ecclesiastes (3:11) tells us that “everything has a season”. God gives you time so you can do it right. Use what He’s given you.

Change the World: When we’re young we believe fervently in things like “right” and “fair”. We believe that we can change the world. When we get old we get cynical. We get tired. Sometimes we give up. Don’t give up, hang onto the belief that you can change the world because you can. I’ll warn you, it’s harder than you expect and will take much longer than you want. Anthropologist Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of dedicated people can change the world. It’s the only thing that ever has”. At the center of our Christian faith lies the call to change the world. How can we ever give up on such a calling?

Jesus Loves Me: It’s the lyric of children’s Sunday school song. It’s theology boiled down to its simplest form – Jesus/God loves me. Over the next decade or three you (and your church) will wrestle with many questions about right and wrong, form, function and faith. It will be all too easy to take your theological stand, ready to take on all comers, to battle to the last. You need to wrestle with the questions. As you walk deeper into life and faith the questions grow thicker and thornier. Never forget what you knew as a child. That beneath all the complexities and theology and yes, politics the answer is always simple. Jesus Loves You.

Have Fun: You may have noticed that an awful lot of adults seem to have had their “funny bone” surgically removed. It all comes from a belief that being an adult is “serious stuff”. There’s plenty of serious waiting for you as an adult. Pain, hurt and hard decisions. Being a parent can be the hardest, most painful, most terrifying, most wonderful job in the world. Same goes for being a husband/wife. Be very serious about the responsibilities that await you. Take yourself a little less seriously. Jesus calls us to a life of faith that fills our lives with joy. The only problem is when you don’t take the time to look for it. You’ll be surprised by where you find the fun sometimes.

I put away childish things. Yeah, the time comes to pack away the toys of childhood. Temper tantrums really don’t play well when you’re in High school. Boys and girls become men and women. Things start getting weird after that. Don't cast aside everything from childhood however. Hang on to the important stuff. When the process gets to be a hassle or when you’re finally an adult and the world starts to grind you down check out Philippians 4:13. Being an adult can be a lot of fun. Think about this – what part of their lives are adults most likely to miss? Being a teenager. It’s an amazing time in your life that will never come again. It’s wonderful and horrible and a time of transformation. Enjoy.
Peace.

End of Year

This is always a weird week for me. First the week doesn't start the way normal weeks do. This week begins with Christmas Eve. The entire month of December seems to rush toward that single night. And what a night! About 15 years ago I discovered the wonder of the midnight service at my home church. There is a peace, a serenity that I find in that service that I find no where else. The familiar stories and music are a balm at the end of a prolonged rash of cultural madness. At the end of the service the lights are dimmed so we are lit only by candle light. The whole congregation is on their knees singing "Silent Night". It's wonderful!
This week ends for me on New Year's day. It's kind of weird starting the week with one of my favorite holidays only to end it with one I find utterly idiotic. I avoid going out on New Year's Eve if at all possible. And I have very little use for college bowl games. The day is usually of complete indolence. Food is prepared in the crock pot and left to warm all day long. It's a great day to not bother even getting out of my PJ's. I watch old movies and begin thinking about getting the tree out of the living room.
But it's this week in between. It's a vast expanse of nothing. No projects will be started this week and few will make much progress. You can't have a meeting because so many people take the week or parts of it off. No one wants to think about anything. If the world ended this week would anyone even notice? This is the week for long naps, and quiet days. Turn off the television and watch the snow drift gently by the window.
On balance maybe this is the perfect week for the end of the year. A chance to sort and sift and think. Take the opportunity and enjoy.
Peace

Of teens and their parents

My daughter turned 16 two weeks ago. To be honest I have trouble imagining my "little" girl as a HS student. It only seems a couple years ago that she would greet me at the end of my work day by flinging her self against my legs all but knocking me over. It was only a couple years before that when I held her tiny, 3.5 pound body in my arms, small enough that her butt was at my wrist and her head nestled against my elbow.
Last night she drove my car (with me in it) for the first time. Is this how my Dad felt? I remember those first times in the driver's seat with him next to me as some of the most terrifying moments of my life to that point. It was petrifying! The fear that I would mess up (my greatest fear is and probably always will be failure. Especially in front of my family) stopped just short of debilitating. Now I'm in the other seat and I'm almost as worried.
She did fine, especially for someone who has only been driving for two weeks. But I found myself grabbing, as unobtrusively as possible, the handle on the passenger door. I made sure that my comments and corrections came out quietly and calmly. I refrained from slamming my foot down on the "parent pedals" on the floorboards under my feet. My voice never became strangled or shrill. To the best of my ability I sat calm and supportive in my seat, speaking only encouragement and gentle advice.
That of course was the outside. Inside I cringed several times, shouted, pounded on the dashboard, and looked about wildly attemtpting to identify the next obstacle between me and safety at home. I noted every defect in her style, her hand positions, her use of the controls, her focus. Within I was a screaming lunatic, bracing my feet against the dash to brace me against inevitable doom as I hung dangling from the seatbelts.

In the end we arrived home without incident. I gave her a solid B for her work. There was no parental nervous breakdown.

So I suppose we both passed.

Peace

LIghten Their Backpack

(This was originally published in the December issue of "ChurchActs" the official newspaper of the Diocese of WNY)

I only caught a glance of them. Two young men out in the woods firing what looked like some heavy-duty weapons. They seemed pretty pleased with the destruction they were causing. A chill ran down my spine when I realized those same young men with those same weapons walked into the high school in Columbine, Colorado a couple years ago and opened fire. It was a videotape that was found a couple months ago and shown on national TV.
Those images nag at me. Images of youth so alienated from themselves and their community that this seemed like a good idea. As if in addition to the omnipresent school backpack they carried a psychic backpack. One so filled with rage and anger and hurt that it shattered them. How heavy did that backpack have to be?
Social stress is never higher than in Middle school and High school. It’s a time when we feel weird about ourselves. It is a time of experiment and change. Embarrassing yourself is the worst thing that could happen. The entire world seems to judge you. Many of us seem to fall short of the mark. Out of that environment grows frustration, anger, self-doubt, and depression. The emotions bubble up inside of us seeking relief. If you’re young you don’t quite know what to do with it. You end up yelling at family and friends. Sometimes you act in ways that afterward just don’t make a lot sense even to you. It all makes you feel worse.
At that moment what would you really like to happen? When I was a teen I struggled with the same frustrations. I wasn’t particularly athletic, I was terminally shy, and I was branded one of the “brains”. I became the pet target for a variety of people to rank on. The popular girls snubbed me because I was skinny and awkward. The jocks occasionally used me to bounce off lockers. The kids who didn’t like school mocked me for getting good grades. And I got mad. Too many days at school just made me feel foolish and clumsy and strange. When the weather was warm I’d walk up the hill in our back yard to a little grove of trees. There I’d find a stick of just the right length and suddenly I had a sword. I wasn’t the resident geek anymore. I was Conan the Barbarian and my foes fell by the dozens. What can I say, I had an active imagination.
But in the end that’s not what I really wanted. What I wanted was someone to listen to my feelings without criticism. I wanted someone to reassure me that I wasn’t going be like this forever. I just wanted people to be nice to me. On those occasions when one of the popular girls smiled and said hello it was a great day. When someone came to me with a question because they knew I knew the answer I felt great. Looking back it’s amazing how simple the answer was. As Christians it’s set out quite simply with Jesus’ “new” commandment – Love one another.
Loving one another means accepting that not everyone is like us and that’s OK. It means remembering that the geek and the jock and the popular and the weirdos are people. Every single person in your school is part of God’s creation. The next time you walk into school you can control how you treat others. All of them have their own psychic backpack filled with pain, worry and fear. The question for you is are you going to give them more to carry in that backpack or less? Smiling and saying hello to everyone, treating everyone with respect and refusing to allow disrespect to happen around you will certainly gain you a reputation. Plenty of people will think you’re weird. Let them. Continue to fulfill the commandment and many more will begin to realize that around you their backpack is lighter. Along the way you may discover that you’ve picked up some “strange” friends. Good. Most days some pretty strange people surrounded Jesus. Most days He sought them out.
Look around and watch for others whose backpacks have begun to burden them. Lighten their backpacks.
Peace, Jay

A Lack of Passion

There's a study out that shows that Episcopal teenagers tend to score lower than the national average (for teens) when asked questions like "Do you feel close to God?",and "Is faith an important part of your life". They did score ABOVE the average when asked if the adults in their churches were hypocrites.

So what do I think of this study? I'm familiar with the basic project and have found it quite useful. They seem to be doing an excellent job. Do the numbers surprise me? No. Do they disturb me? Only sorta.

I believe that the numbers are in fact affected by the questioning phase of the teen years. That's aided and abetted by the overall poor job we're doing as a denomination in translating our faith into terms the teens understand. We are by and large a rather laid back intellectual denomination. (By intellectual I'm not saying we're smart or even well educated but that we tend to approach our faith lives from a cerebral rather than visceral point of view) This creates a problem in that our kids don't see us being passionate about this part of lives. They are far more likely to see passion about our favorite sports teams, politics, music, TV or whatever. Is it surprising that they don't feel "close to God" or that they see too many of us as hypocrites? When I ask an adult how they would explain their faith life to someone else (of any age) I tend to get long discourses either on tradition and practice or a helpless shrug.

The questions our young people are asking is "Why should I care?", "What affect will it have on me?", "Why is this more important than the fun stuff? (Because they clearly see that damn few of us get any joy out of all this church stuff)"

This is not ECUSA's fault. The national church is not interacting with our kids. It's not the dioceses fault because we're not interacting much more with the kids (I'll see any given youth maybe twice a year except for the very active ones whom I'll see about 6-8 times). Plop down in the pew this Sunday and look around. That's who is failing our youth. Then pop out a mirror and include yourself (me too. I'm dealing with a fairly large hairy crisis in my own personal ministry life because I'm not sure I'm making a damn bit of difference).
If a young person walked into your parish this Sunday as a total stranger what would they see about the life of a Christian in the Anglican tradition? Where would they see, hear and feel? Are you offering something that would change the numbers in the survey up or down?

I wish I had a quick easy answer. First because it would be such a boost to the church I love. Second because it would make me rich and famous. I'm working on it. What are you doing?
Peace

An interesting weekend

Sometimes real life just demands to be let in. Over the weekend WNY was hit with a terrific wind storm. Top gusts hit 70+ MPH. It knocked out the power at my house for some 30 hours. Given that the temps were in the 30's the wind chill fell to I'd-rather-not-think-about-it ranges. The heat in my house? Electric. Lights, stove, computer, cable, you name it, it was out. We survived one night of it bundled under massive amounts of blankets. My darling teen daughter hit the bed in three shirts, full pants, socks and her slippers PLUS three blankets! Meanwhile my mom's "summer" home (long story) had a 30 foot tree fall on it. There wasn't any damage (except to the tree) but it made for some exciting phone calls and a fun trip through the storm for me to inspect the house.
Through it all it's amazing how much I've really come to take for granted. Before the next storm hits it's my plan to have at least one alternate heat source (you try and find a kerosene heater in the middle of a state of emergency), an alternate cooking source (propane stove, already purchased) plus basics like spare candles, flashlight batteries etc.
Was it scary? Yeah it was in some ways. I was afraid for my wife who has circulation problems. In a storm that violent people who live in 100 year old houses should be a little concerned. In the end we survived (Thank you Lord) and that makes a major difference in how I can look back on all this.
I'd be just as happy not to have to worry about stuff like this of course.
Peace

And yet another....

Seems like I'm a roll, and not a good one either. Just came across a notice that Bishop Crittendon, the former Bishop of Northwestern Pennsylvania passed away back in September. He was 95. More importantly in my own walk of faith in my teen years he was "my" bishop. We didn't even live in that diocese at the time but he was the bishop that I cared about and looked to as I grew up.
We had lived in that diocese for a couple of years when I was in elementary school. We made some friends and a few years later my mom was asked to serve as camp nurse for the diocesan camp. We lived in the Diocese of Pittsburgh at the time but that was fine with everyone. Soon I and both my brothers were attending that camp and we eventually all worked for the camp as well. It was during that time that I came to know "The Bish". Bishop Crittendon would show up and spend part of a day with us. Most importantly he would talk with us and answer our questions. For that short period of time he was all ours and he remained ours in our hearts for years to come. The Bish confirmed both of my brothers at camp with me serving as his acolyte. We were a sight. He was in his full episcopal regalia. My brothers and I were in cutoff shorts wearing brightly colored shirts from South America. They were the nicest clothes we had at camp!
After I took my job as youth missioner my thoughts turned to my first Bishop. So I wrote him a short note thanking him for his part in setting me on the road that led me to where I find myself today. I got a nice note back from him. In the end I hope I never let the Bish down. I'll miss him always.
Peace

The loss of a friend

Just heard the news that Mike Yaconnelli died yesterday in a car crash. Many of you may not know the name but if you've ever used materials from Youth Specialties then you know Mike's work. He founded YS. Known affectionately to most of us as Yac he was a writer, a youth minister, a thinker, a lay minister to a small church in N. California, a father, a husband and more.

I met Yac only once at a Core workshop put on by YS near Pittsburgh. He had sold YS several years before but stayed on working with them. The workshop I attended was one of only a handful or so that he had planned on attending that year so I counted myself lucky. Yac's writing, on the YS home page plus in some youth journals, had always grabbed my attention. He had a knack for getting me to think even if I disagreed with him. His writing was always marked by honesty and a certain wit that appealed to me. I truly felt honored to meet the man that day at the Core.

Yac also worked to create a resource for youth ministry in YS that reached across denominational boundaries. It seemed to focus more on faith that form, more on power of relationships than on the piety of religion. I've never found a piece from YS that couldn't be modified quickly to be useful for my ministry.

I didn't know Yac, really at all, but I feel like I've lost a friend and a mentor. My prayers go out to his family and the folks at his church and YS. Somehow we will all have to carry on without him.

Peace

On Beauty

Bear with me folks because there's an element of thinking out loud in this one.
It begins with a thought about women. It applies equally to men but being a guy I prefer thinking about women. So translate in your head and work with me here.

The thought is this:

All women are beautiful. Some have allowed someone to convince them otherwise.

On the surface it would seem that this thought is silly. Our society sets very clear standards on beauty and there are a great many women who just don't meet it. They may be pretty or average looking, or just all right. And let's be honest there are some that are just (is there anyway to say this with a good heart?) butt ugly. Sounds like more of that "I'm Ok, You're Ok" mushy pop psychology stuff doesn't it? Isn't it time to be honest?

Sure it is. It's time to be honest enough to say that All Women Are Beautiful. That's the way God made them. He didn't make all fit whatever the current beauty fashion is. Right now that standard seems to be stripper meets call girl. If you're not a tall blonde with a body that has a body fat ratio approaching zero and an upper body that enters the room 30 seconds before the rest of you then you're probably not up to the current "standard". Buff it, tone it, tan it, get it lifted, enhanced, tucked, trimmed and botoxed.

Now let me clue you in on a little secret. You're not any more beautiful than when you started. Sorry. If you want to tone up because it's good for you and you'll live a longer and yes you'll look better in clothes (or out) then go for it. Eat right, get your exercise.

But none of it makes you more beautiful.

Beauty doesn't come from a surgeon's blade, a Pilates class or the latest bottle or tube of makeup. If you care about beauty forget them all. Beauty does come from caring for yourself. But you don't have to drop two clothing sizes to get it. Beauty comes from learning to love yourself. With your height and your weight and your hair. Beauty comes from letting other people love you as well.

In my life I've met beautiful women who are young and incredibly old. They've been physical beauties and wrecks. They have beautiful smiles even when they've had no teeth! Beauty shines from within. I've also met some physically gorgeous women who lack a single atom of beauty. Their anger or their emptiness robs them of their beauty. Too much time was being spent on their looks and not enough time on their beauty.

What I want to get through is the thought that you started beautiful. Beauty cannot be applied or supplied. It lies within. Find your beauty, get rid of anything or anyone who interferes with your beauty. No one has the right to try and take it away from you. You should never let them succeed.

Go on, go be beautiful.
Peace

A Little Heart

I thought I'd share this story. Some folks have heard me tell it before. It began with "one of those days". The kind of day when everything seems to go wrong. When it doesn't matter how hard you try it stills comes out wrong in the end. I had spent the day struggling with a couple of projects that simply did not want to cooperate. None of them were complicated all were things that I had done before but they just wouldn't play. With each passing minute I grew more and more frustrated. I knew I could do this stuff but somehow I kept dropping the ball. The final straw was a printing job that kept getting lost in my computer. I couldn't take it anymore! The computer was stupid. I was stupid. The world was stupid. I was incompetent. God was obviously ticked off at me and my Momma probably didn't love me anymore too. Suddenly my printer whirred into life. This was a little startling because I hadn't asked it to print anything! Great! Stupid piece of technological (dirty words, dirty words, dirty words) won't work when I need it and does when I don't! When I turned to look at the page it spat out it looked like it was blank. Looking again I realized it had printed a single symbol in the upper corner of the page.

A single heart.

I just sat there staring at it, almost afraid to touch it. It was like a direct answer to my thoughts at that moment. Of all the random symbols the printer might have kicked out it was that one. I had to laugh. I also had to say a little prayer of thanks.

Today that piece of paper still sits in my printer tray. If you dig down under all the pages that sit on the output tray you'll find it there. It's a reminder that God (and Mom) love me. Even on the days when I can't get the machines to work for me. Even on the days when I think I'm stupid and incompetent. Even on my worst days.

It's kinda nice to have the reminder sometimes.
Peace

Time for a rant!

Trying to get back into the blogging habit and there's always room for a good old rant!
I spend a lot of time reading stuff about young people and the statistics on sexual activity just really frightens me. Teens are having sex younger, they have distorted ideas about what is and isn't "sex" and our culture holds up sex as the ultimate form of expression. It's all about gettin' your jollies as we used to say.
Through all of this the church seems amazingly silent. When we do say something it's usually in a form that it guaranteed to turn off the hearing of the young people. Lot's of "Thou shalt nots" and talking about rules. Very little actual discussion of what a proper faithful response might look like, why we value such a response and what forms the basis of our belief. More often than not in the Episcopal church we don't talk about it all, or even worse bypass the discussion of sex for another donnybrook about sexuality. So let me make clear what I want us to do:

Separate sex from sexuality
We can actually do this because we are dealing with them as theological issues. This church needs to discuss how we "use" our sexuality no matter what it is. If we don't separate the issues we will continue to not speak clearly and our young people will continue to flounder in this arena.

Get Over It
It's time to stop being all squeamish about talking about sex. God gave us sex, it's a gift. It is a normal part of our functioning beginning with puberty. Sex is the single most discussed/thought about/spotlighted human activity in our current society. If we remain silent then our youth will believe that we don't have any trouble with the version of sex (cheap, disposable, totally recreational) that is presented in our culture. If it's a choice of our comfort level versus helping our young people and we choose our comfort we should be ashamed of ourselves. And new parents/ministers should be found for our kids. If we don't speak out THEN WE HAVE FAILED

Address the issues that we are strongest on
We can eliminate a lot of the squeamish factor by simply deciding that we don't need to educate our kids on how the plumbing works. The schools are better equipped to talk about equipment. The strength of the church is talking about how we use that equipment and why. I believe that explaining the why part may be the most important part.

We have no choice, we MUST enter into this discussion. We need to stop blushing and stuttering and look our young people in the eye. The subject needs to be faced squarely and explained clearly. The images of the culture must be confronted and exposed for the shallowness of life that they are. This is the prophetic voice calling to the world from the wilderness, this is the counter culture nature of Christianity demanding that we remember that we're not SUPPOSED to be in the mainstream, we're supposed to fight the power. Because it is a power that destroys and can kill. How we continue not to pick up the challenge and the burden? How much longer can we ignore the ministry we are called to do?

Peace

Back in the saddle again...

It's been a long time between blogs I know! It has taken me weeks to even come close to getting a handle on all the stuff that backed up on me in my office. But I think I'm about there. My desk is starting to show through the piles again.

I do want to note here (as well as EVERYWHERE ELSE!) the change in our Youth Commission meeting time. As is well known Episcopalians (of all ages) don't really like change. On the whole we don't want to deal with it. So changing our meeting time from Tuesday nights to Sunday afternoons may seem a little radical. But more of our members (especially the youth) were having more and more trouble making the meetings. As I've noted elsewhere this is probably the busiest generation of teens in the history of the world. So YC discussed it and decided to make two (or three depending on how you look at it) changes.
1: We moved the meeting to Sunday. It was the only day that offered any improvement. No one wanted their Saturdays clogged up (more than they already are) so we ended up on Sunday.
2: We went to afternoon meetings. It's just easier to travel during daylight, especially during the winter. So meetings moved to 2 PM with dinner at 5:30 and hopefully everyone merrily on their way by 6.
3: We will now only meet every OTHER month (I know of at least one diocese where they only meet once a YEAR!). So the schedule goes September, November, January, March, May. We usually ended up not meeting in December anyway, February is a no fun travel month so we skip it.

These changes mean we also have to really get some work done during the meetings. Not just doing the agenda items but some of the committee work can be done then as well. It's an experiment, we've only committed to it for a year. I encourage everyone to give it a try. If you couldn't make it before now's the time to try. If you NEVER came before nows the time to try. Remember that youth commission is open to anyone High School age and over who is interested in the youth ministry of the Episcopal Diocese of WNY. Hope to see you there.
Peace

On Spiritual Health

After a long and challenging summer I'm feeling rather worn down. Physically, mentally and spiritually. The first two are relatively easy to mend. I'll take a couple days off leading into the Labor Day holiday and just catch up on sleep and time with loved ones. In a few days time I'll be right as rain (of which we've gotten an awful lot these days). It's the spiritual health that bothers me. Because the most obvious ways to refresh myself are at least partially blocked right now. Normally I'd just focus on Sunday worship, that wonderful time of prayer and thoughtfulness. But I've become deeply involved with videotaping our 10 AM service and that keeps me away from "my" pew and family. Yes, I could just show up for the 8 AM service and work the second service but it doesn't put me in a pew with my wife. Plus it makes the process a burden to me. Get up early (an unnatural act for your gentle author), listen to the sermon twice (our clergy are wonderful and fine preachers. But there are durn few sermons worth hearing twice). Is there a goodly bit of laziness and self centeredness mixed in there? You betcha. But this is where I am right now. I'm not feeling spiritually fed and that's a very bad place for anyone to be. An even worse place for someone who is answering a call to minister to the spiritual needs of someone else. It is my hope to find sometime soon to go on a short retreat, off into the woods by myself to rest, pray, think, read and perhaps write. I hope that this will help recharge my batteries spiritually.
But it also strikes me that this is a recurring theme in a lot of what I read about ministry in general. We neglect our own spiritual health because we spend all our energy on others. Eventually we burn up, flame out and leave. I can't believe that this is the way it's supposed to be. Take a moment and do a personal spiritual inventory. How satisfactory is your faith life? How is your worship life (not the same thing!) How much time have you invested in the care and nurture of your own soul? If you're not happy with the answers (and you shouldn't be happy if the answers are of the "I'll get to it, there are other things I need to take care of first" type) then the time may have come to reassess what you're doing and how you are approaching your ministry. I find it impossible to believe that God wants ministers that burn like the sun for only a short time then wander through the remainder of their lives as the burnt twisted remnant. I'll keep you up to date on how the planning and the retreat itself goes.
Peace

Stupid and Outrageous

With a million details of actual youth minisry to take care of (like Junior High camp next week and my presentation on Confirmation) I still feel the need to address the results of GC. The current prompt comes from two news stories. The first in London reports a Kenyan bishop being physically assaulted by two C of E clergy (!) who were outraged that he defended the Kenyan church's stand on homosexuality. They reportedly grabbed him, yelled at him and threatened to beat him up before bystanders seperated them. Bishop Simon Oketch was on his way to a church conference when this happened.
The second story comes from the little town of Graham Texas. The Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit was hit by vandals who trashed the church and hall, started a fire in the office and scrawled "God and Jesus Love Homosexuals" on a wall. The pastor (who also pastors two other mission congregations) had taken a traditional stand on the issue and sees this as a reaction to that. I'm afraid that I'd have to agree.
Wherever we stand on this issue I believe we must all agree that this kind of reaction from either side is repugnant, stupid, outrageous and completely outside of the traditions of Christianity and Anglicanism. I do presume to tell any of you what you should be teaching your young people, that is appropriately decided by your own faith and the direction of your home congregations. But we must teach that such a reaction will not and must not receive the blessing of the church. Even if we believe that "the other side" (who ever that may be from where you stand) is profoundly, fundamentally WRONG we are called to deal with them from a foundation of Christ's love.
I will make my public pledge that I will not tolerate, support or permit any such attacks, physical or verbal, in my presence. I hope that we all will be willing to do the same.
Peace

A column idea

(The following is a large portion of my September column for my diocesan newspaper "ChurchActs". I hope my editor will forgive my publishing it here early. The column talks about a thought that nagged at me while I was watching the events of GC. The subject will seem a little silly to many folks for whom this is a "given". But for many of us it has been a long struggle Peace)

What has pressed on me most strongly is a single word. A word that has bothered me for many years but one that I would like all of us to adopt and use. The word is minister.
In my years in youth ministry I’ve called myself a youth “advisor” and a youth “leader”. But I shied away from youth “minister”. A minister is someone with a ministry and ministry is for those white collar types right? In a religious culture that has always tended to divide us (the lay people) and them (the clergy) it felt like I was onto someone else’s turf. Over the last several years I’ve realized that a minister is anyone who answers a call to care for someone or something. Making sure the garbage is disposed of properly can be a ministry to your faith community every bit as much as caring for the formation of young people. My personal call is to care for young people in my home parish, this diocese and in our province. After many years struggle with the concept I accepted that this was my ministry. Now I’m prepared to claim the title that comes with it. I am a youth minister. This is the proper title for the calling from God to which I have responded. I know that I am far behind some of the adults who work with youth in accepting and adopting this title. I hope that everyone working with our young people will join me in adopting this word.
Why is this word so important? Because it recognizes that our work with youth is not only based in our love for them but also in a divine call to us. It is a call to lay persons, deacons, priests and bishops. It is a call to congregations, dioceses, provinces and denominations. Truly this call has little to do with youth groups or Sunday school classes. Being a youth minister is a full time ministry for some of us, being open to the special needs of growing bodies and searching souls. The call also extends to every person of faith. You are called to welcome young people in the worship and to the community of faith. Without that ministry the young people will not stay long enough for the rest of us to work with them.
Accepting this single word remains scary for some of us. Like a new piece of clothing there are days when it still feels a little uncomfortable to me. Too tight in some places, too loose in others. It means no longer justifying what we do with easy phrases like “I love the kids”. The word declares “God has called me and I have answered”.
It is time for many of us to take the step and say, “I am a youth minister”.