The title reflects how my life has felt for the last month. I never seem to "be" anyplace just in transit to the next. To be honest it's all a little wearing.
The last three camps of the year went very well. Music Art & Drama (MAD) camp was a lot of fun with three Episcopal young people there. We're already planning for next year including some changes. The name will be Art, Recreation, Theater and Song (ARTS) camp and we will build in time for the campers to do some traditional camp activities that were hit or miss this year (swimming, sailing, arts and crafts type stuff) I'm hoping that we can continue to see growth in this camp overall and within the diocese.
The Junior High/Sleep Away camp week was different this year. Because our numbers were down I got "cut" as a staff person. In some ways that made things easier but it also allowed me to run back and forth between the camps which became tiring and kept me from getting a real feel of having been to camp. Of course I seemed to be the only one not having a good time so it all works out. The campers and families I spoke to were all excited and looking forward to next year.
Add to that a visit from one of my longest term friends in the world and his family. I was a pinball bouncing between trying to find time for them and still make contact and connection with the young people.
There's still lots to do: final money issues for camp, end of camp reports, getting the fall programs on line, figuring out what my new job entails...
Oh yeah, I've added a part time job to my portfolio. The good news is that it's still youth ministry and that it helps with the old personal bottom line. Sometime in the next month I'll begin work at the Southwestern Conference Youth Ministry Coordinator (or something like that) for the Upstate Synod of ELCA. I've become a Lutherpalian! We'll see how good my juggling skills are. Is there a "bad news" side to this? I hope not but that feeling of being in transit I mentioned earlier maybe taking up permanent residence. We'll see.
For the moment I'm trying to get my stuff in reasonable order so that I can take off for a week of comp time/vacation. I'll be joining at least one of my brothers and his family in Lake Tahoe. I've never been there but I'm told it's gorgeous.
So I'll be gone again till the end of August when I have to hit the ground running for the new program year. Lots of things to share here as well. Just wanted to make sure you knew I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth.
Peace
Monday, August 22, 2005
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Back from EYE
Well it was everything I hoped and then some.
Just under 1,400 youth, adults, bishops and guests gathered in Berea KY for an astounding time together. It was amazing worship with a Hip Hop mass (before you get your Anglican knickers in a knot this was a very Anglican form of worship that used rap as a vehicle for communicating the Word. While not a rap fan it still touched me, challenged me and made me feel closer to God. Would I choose it for my regular worship? I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear the answer's no. But then it's not really aimed at middle aged white guys who grew up in the suburbs of the '70's. Yet it's clear that there are many young people out there, especially in urban areas, for whom this would be worship that speaks to them in a language they understand. Given a history in our own denomination that emphasizes using the language of the common people in worship, how can we object to prayerful, worshipful, Spirit filled liturgy in the language of the streets?), there was also powerful traditional worship including a sermon from Bishop Michael Curry that was simply beyond description. He blew the roof off the place and brought us all to tears, to laughter, to inspiration and finally roaring to our feet. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I would cross the street and pay to hear the man preach.
The music was provided by a music team that for the first time was made up entirely of people 21 and under. Young people preached and led the events. They met with others from all over the world and made new friends, learned new songs, were challenged in what it meant to be a Christian and an Episcopalian. I know of one young man who came to EYE upset with the furor surrounding Bp Robinson and his perceptions of what the bishop was "doing to" ECUSA. Much to his shock he discovered the bishop in a group with him. They talked and suddenly the young man discovered that some of his assumptions challenged and he has begun a thoughtful process of reasessment.
For me personally the highlights were Bishop Curry's sermon, the presentation by Friends of the Groom, the chance to touch base with some special friends that I don't get to see very often plus a couple of new friends too. And of course the young people. Their energy, their faith, their belief in God and in their larger church. They inspired me and brought me to tears.
I'm very tired still but I don't want to let go of those memories. Of standing just at the edge of the arena and listening to over a thousand voices singing, praying, laughing, praising and worshipping.
Peace
Just under 1,400 youth, adults, bishops and guests gathered in Berea KY for an astounding time together. It was amazing worship with a Hip Hop mass (before you get your Anglican knickers in a knot this was a very Anglican form of worship that used rap as a vehicle for communicating the Word. While not a rap fan it still touched me, challenged me and made me feel closer to God. Would I choose it for my regular worship? I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear the answer's no. But then it's not really aimed at middle aged white guys who grew up in the suburbs of the '70's. Yet it's clear that there are many young people out there, especially in urban areas, for whom this would be worship that speaks to them in a language they understand. Given a history in our own denomination that emphasizes using the language of the common people in worship, how can we object to prayerful, worshipful, Spirit filled liturgy in the language of the streets?), there was also powerful traditional worship including a sermon from Bishop Michael Curry that was simply beyond description. He blew the roof off the place and brought us all to tears, to laughter, to inspiration and finally roaring to our feet. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I would cross the street and pay to hear the man preach.
The music was provided by a music team that for the first time was made up entirely of people 21 and under. Young people preached and led the events. They met with others from all over the world and made new friends, learned new songs, were challenged in what it meant to be a Christian and an Episcopalian. I know of one young man who came to EYE upset with the furor surrounding Bp Robinson and his perceptions of what the bishop was "doing to" ECUSA. Much to his shock he discovered the bishop in a group with him. They talked and suddenly the young man discovered that some of his assumptions challenged and he has begun a thoughtful process of reasessment.
For me personally the highlights were Bishop Curry's sermon, the presentation by Friends of the Groom, the chance to touch base with some special friends that I don't get to see very often plus a couple of new friends too. And of course the young people. Their energy, their faith, their belief in God and in their larger church. They inspired me and brought me to tears.
I'm very tired still but I don't want to let go of those memories. Of standing just at the edge of the arena and listening to over a thousand voices singing, praying, laughing, praising and worshipping.
Peace
Friday, July 22, 2005
To Kentucky I go
Wow three posts in a week, close to a record!
Time for me to start packing up for the Episcopal Youth Event (EYE). Think 1,300 people, mostly high school youth, from 85 diocese with 55 bishops wandering around loose! Just about the most fun you can have with your clothes on....
Hmmm, perhaps not the best image.
I'm "leading" the adult sponsors training sessions. This joy is mine because at a meeting prior to the event I grumbled about how I'd had issues with the one done three years before. Yeah, opened my big mouth and was promptly volunteered. Also discovered that someone who has become a friend did that training last time so I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing her. It's a tough gig. So now I get to put my mouth where my mouth got me. Stupid mouth.
Anyway, what this means is that I won't be making a post for the next 10 days or so. And given that I've got a week to prepare for the next camp when I get back I'll be on the trot then as well. This summer just may kill me.
Next summer I only have General Convention, my daughter's graduation and High School Conference all in a three week period! Who said that youth ministry wasn't fun?
Peace
Time for me to start packing up for the Episcopal Youth Event (EYE). Think 1,300 people, mostly high school youth, from 85 diocese with 55 bishops wandering around loose! Just about the most fun you can have with your clothes on....
Hmmm, perhaps not the best image.
I'm "leading" the adult sponsors training sessions. This joy is mine because at a meeting prior to the event I grumbled about how I'd had issues with the one done three years before. Yeah, opened my big mouth and was promptly volunteered. Also discovered that someone who has become a friend did that training last time so I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing her. It's a tough gig. So now I get to put my mouth where my mouth got me. Stupid mouth.
Anyway, what this means is that I won't be making a post for the next 10 days or so. And given that I've got a week to prepare for the next camp when I get back I'll be on the trot then as well. This summer just may kill me.
Next summer I only have General Convention, my daughter's graduation and High School Conference all in a three week period! Who said that youth ministry wasn't fun?
Peace
Thursday, July 21, 2005
How we chose to entertain ourselves
You've probably heard the news over the last day or so about a big name computer game that contains sex scenes. I'm not going to name the reprehensible piece of filth because I don't want to give even that much publicity. I didn't like the game (or its predecessors) before this story and I certainly haven't changed my mind now. In case this is news to you here are the basics:
Manufacturer is accused of putting programming into the game (which can be played on your computer or the major game "systems") where the player can have characters have sex with one another. It's not part of the regular game, this is a hidden (supposedly inaccessible)part of the program. Except wonder of wonder, word gets out and some clever denizen of the WWW rigs up a little software bundle that will make it accessible! Let the games begin! Outrage builds and the manufacturer first claims that the sex stuff wasn't actually in their software but was created by the other software. Finally they fess up, yep, we did it, it's in our stuff. We just decided not to use it.
Here's my problem with this:
These games are marketed aggressively to teens. Spare me the fairy tales about it was rated "Mature" and it was intended only for adults. That's hogwash and we ALL know it. So NATURALLY the best idea for amusing teens(or anyone else) involves violence, destruction and demeaning images of women. Lovely. Even better let's take a look at adding in some graphic sex options! How stupid or greedy (those are pretty much the only options) do you have to be to sell that concept to yourself?
These games show women as large breasts and butts on long legs. In as little clothing as possible. Because we all know that's a realistic view of women, right?
Ummmmmm...... Because it's the way women prefer to be thought of, right? No, still not quite there.... Because getting our entertainment by abusing, demeaning and whenever possible making people into sex toys is really cool. I think I need to barf.
Now let's see how shall we make heroes in our little fantasy world? OOOH OOOH I know! Violent criminals with no regard for property or life. Knuckle dragging mouth breathers whose best choice for resolving problems is to shoot, blow it up or run it over. Just perfect.
Finally because after all of the above the manufacturer PROVES they know what they did was wrong by LYING ABOUT IT!!!
Sadly several major chains are getting all self righteous about pulling the product off the shelves because, GASP, I'm shocked, shocked to discover there's sex going on here! Excuse me here's your profits from selling a violent, humanity demeaning game.
This is how we choose to entertain ourselves? This is what we allow our children and ourselves to watch and do for fun?
Barf making.
Peace
Manufacturer is accused of putting programming into the game (which can be played on your computer or the major game "systems") where the player can have characters have sex with one another. It's not part of the regular game, this is a hidden (supposedly inaccessible)part of the program. Except wonder of wonder, word gets out and some clever denizen of the WWW rigs up a little software bundle that will make it accessible! Let the games begin! Outrage builds and the manufacturer first claims that the sex stuff wasn't actually in their software but was created by the other software. Finally they fess up, yep, we did it, it's in our stuff. We just decided not to use it.
Here's my problem with this:
These games are marketed aggressively to teens. Spare me the fairy tales about it was rated "Mature" and it was intended only for adults. That's hogwash and we ALL know it. So NATURALLY the best idea for amusing teens(or anyone else) involves violence, destruction and demeaning images of women. Lovely. Even better let's take a look at adding in some graphic sex options! How stupid or greedy (those are pretty much the only options) do you have to be to sell that concept to yourself?
These games show women as large breasts and butts on long legs. In as little clothing as possible. Because we all know that's a realistic view of women, right?
Ummmmmm...... Because it's the way women prefer to be thought of, right? No, still not quite there.... Because getting our entertainment by abusing, demeaning and whenever possible making people into sex toys is really cool. I think I need to barf.
Now let's see how shall we make heroes in our little fantasy world? OOOH OOOH I know! Violent criminals with no regard for property or life. Knuckle dragging mouth breathers whose best choice for resolving problems is to shoot, blow it up or run it over. Just perfect.
Finally because after all of the above the manufacturer PROVES they know what they did was wrong by LYING ABOUT IT!!!
Sadly several major chains are getting all self righteous about pulling the product off the shelves because, GASP, I'm shocked, shocked to discover there's sex going on here! Excuse me here's your profits from selling a violent, humanity demeaning game.
This is how we choose to entertain ourselves? This is what we allow our children and ourselves to watch and do for fun?
Barf making.
Peace
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
And the summer rushes along...
How can this be the next to last week of July?
How can EYE (the Episcopal Youth Event, a national gathering of HS aged youth)be next week?
How can I be this tired and not be dead!?!?!
Okay it's not that bad just yet but when I look ahead to next month I just shake my head. It's a long three months, even when it's only about 2 1/4 months.
I promised some thoughts on Senior High Conference. It was simply amazing. A great group of young people, fabulous staff, a wonderful Chaplain (thank you Fr. Steven!) and some really HOT weather. The closing worship was amazing which is usually a good sign that the community has come together. There were no major problems and life as the conference director was actually relaxing and a joy. I wish every camp could be just like this. And I hope this is a sign of what is to come for the conference. Check out photos by clicking on the title of this entry.
A side note: our diocesan archivist told me that she'd stumbled upon some older papers about our senior high conference. I was ASTOUNDED to discover that the conference goes back much farther than I'd thought. I'll be sharing some of those bits on the website later this summer. It's amazing how much has changed and amazing how much it is EXACTLY the same. For example - I discovered they used to create a conference newspaper, with a GOSSIP column! It's really hysterical.
So EYE next week, and then home for a week, then Music, Art and Drama Camp. Then home for an overnight and back for Junior High camp and Sleep Away camp (the SAME WEEK!) Then hopefully some off time.
Makes me tired just thinking about it.
Peace
How can EYE (the Episcopal Youth Event, a national gathering of HS aged youth)be next week?
How can I be this tired and not be dead!?!?!
Okay it's not that bad just yet but when I look ahead to next month I just shake my head. It's a long three months, even when it's only about 2 1/4 months.
I promised some thoughts on Senior High Conference. It was simply amazing. A great group of young people, fabulous staff, a wonderful Chaplain (thank you Fr. Steven!) and some really HOT weather. The closing worship was amazing which is usually a good sign that the community has come together. There were no major problems and life as the conference director was actually relaxing and a joy. I wish every camp could be just like this. And I hope this is a sign of what is to come for the conference. Check out photos by clicking on the title of this entry.
A side note: our diocesan archivist told me that she'd stumbled upon some older papers about our senior high conference. I was ASTOUNDED to discover that the conference goes back much farther than I'd thought. I'll be sharing some of those bits on the website later this summer. It's amazing how much has changed and amazing how much it is EXACTLY the same. For example - I discovered they used to create a conference newspaper, with a GOSSIP column! It's really hysterical.
So EYE next week, and then home for a week, then Music, Art and Drama Camp. Then home for an overnight and back for Junior High camp and Sleep Away camp (the SAME WEEK!) Then hopefully some off time.
Makes me tired just thinking about it.
Peace
Saturday, July 09, 2005
God Calls
This is based on my sermon at the closing Eucharist at the 2005 Senior High Conference. I was honored that the young people chose me to give this sermon. Several folks have asked that I print it out. The readings for this included the story of the calling of Israel at the foot of Mt Sinai in Exodus, The Great Commission and a portion of Paul's letter to the Ephesians. I've forgotten the exact citations.
When I prepare for a sermon I usually read the scripture selections and then listen for a theme or central idea. As I read these I heard just two words "God Calls". And my first thought was "With as busy as my cell phone's been this week, He's about the only one who HASN'T called". And then I heard the Lord's voice say "Jay", Yes Lord?, "That wasn't what I meant", I knew that Lord, "Carry on".
God calls. You may not be hearing it, or even listening for it. But God is calling you. He's calling you now, He called you before you got here this week, He'll call you when you get home. He will call forever, His calling is relentless.
And He's calling everyone. The populars, the plastics, the geeks, the freaks, the jocks and the tall and the short, the skinny and the ample. It doesn't matter where you are or who you are. He called a ragged group of refugees in the middle of nowhere with nothing but what they could carry. They'd left their homes and their jobs. They were without a country and had no power in this world and God called. He didn't need them. But He called them to be more than they were. And they said yes. And that's what He wants.
God calls. He reasons, cajoles, implores, nags, inspires and as Saul found out if you make it necessary he will strike you blind. He doesn't care other people think about you. He doesn't care whether you're fashionable or even presentable. God desperately wants to be your friend. You will make his day, his week, his month, his year is you say yes. Given the world we live in let me assure you that we're not talking about some weird divine stalker dude. God is calling to you because he knows that he has what you need. And it doesn't matter what you need. Maybe you need a little more confidence, maybe you need a little LESS confidence! God has what will bring you joy, what will make you whole, will bring out all that is best in you. Because it's all in there. God gave you gifts, wonderful presents, and he's calling to ask why you haven't opened them yet?
But that's not all he calls about. He calls about how we treat each other and what we are to do with the gifts after we've finally listened that first little bit. Paul reminds the brothers and sisters at Ephesus - be humble (it's not all about you), gentle, patient, bear with one another (and this is my favorite part of this sentence) making every effort to maintain the unity of the spirit. Note what it says, it doesn't say that you should make sure that only the "right" music is played during worship, or that everyone observe the dress code at church. It isn't the unity of the rules and regulations, it's the unity of the spirit!
God calls us not ride off on our own little quest,ignoring everyone else. I am not called to the International Church of Jay, the church dedicated to the care and well being of Jay, making sure that Jay is happy and healthy and gets what he wants, needs and dare I say it, deserves. But too often that's where we find ourselves. That's the church that brings us road rage and people who say "It's not my fault you didn't think that was funny, I thought it was funny". They say that usually right after they've said something that's hurt you or humiliated you or made you feel stupid and small. But hey as long as they laughed because they're the only ones they worry about. You know what? We're called to be patient and gentle with those folks too.
God calls us to One Body, One Spirit, one hope, one lord, one faith, one baptism. The God that calls us is above all and in all and through all. The God that calls us isn't trapped in some little box somewhere, only during certain hours of the week and usually when a bunch of other people just like me are hanging around. God is everywhere and that's where he sends us. He tells us that this is not a gift that we are to hoard for ourselves. We are sent out into ALL the world. Where is that? Like God, it's everywhere. It's the students and teachers at school, it's the store clerks and the girl who works at the car wash, it's strangers and those slow people driving in front of you.
For our seniors this is an especially important message. You are about to leave your homes behind, your old lives behind and go into a strange land. And parts of it are scary and it becomes easy to doubt. So I would remind you that not long after the children of Israel gave that ringing endorsement of doing all that God asked they were worshipping a golden calf and that when Jesus called the 11 some doubted. But their doubts did not win, they did not let their doubts drown out the sound of God's voice in their lives. When the doubts grow strong remember the last thing that Jesus says to them. That He will be with you always, everywhere, until then end of time. Always and Everywhere. None of us are being sent out alone. We will NEVER be alone. As long as we remember:
God Calls.
Peace
When I prepare for a sermon I usually read the scripture selections and then listen for a theme or central idea. As I read these I heard just two words "God Calls". And my first thought was "With as busy as my cell phone's been this week, He's about the only one who HASN'T called". And then I heard the Lord's voice say "Jay", Yes Lord?, "That wasn't what I meant", I knew that Lord, "Carry on".
God calls. You may not be hearing it, or even listening for it. But God is calling you. He's calling you now, He called you before you got here this week, He'll call you when you get home. He will call forever, His calling is relentless.
And He's calling everyone. The populars, the plastics, the geeks, the freaks, the jocks and the tall and the short, the skinny and the ample. It doesn't matter where you are or who you are. He called a ragged group of refugees in the middle of nowhere with nothing but what they could carry. They'd left their homes and their jobs. They were without a country and had no power in this world and God called. He didn't need them. But He called them to be more than they were. And they said yes. And that's what He wants.
God calls. He reasons, cajoles, implores, nags, inspires and as Saul found out if you make it necessary he will strike you blind. He doesn't care other people think about you. He doesn't care whether you're fashionable or even presentable. God desperately wants to be your friend. You will make his day, his week, his month, his year is you say yes. Given the world we live in let me assure you that we're not talking about some weird divine stalker dude. God is calling to you because he knows that he has what you need. And it doesn't matter what you need. Maybe you need a little more confidence, maybe you need a little LESS confidence! God has what will bring you joy, what will make you whole, will bring out all that is best in you. Because it's all in there. God gave you gifts, wonderful presents, and he's calling to ask why you haven't opened them yet?
But that's not all he calls about. He calls about how we treat each other and what we are to do with the gifts after we've finally listened that first little bit. Paul reminds the brothers and sisters at Ephesus - be humble (it's not all about you), gentle, patient, bear with one another (and this is my favorite part of this sentence) making every effort to maintain the unity of the spirit. Note what it says, it doesn't say that you should make sure that only the "right" music is played during worship, or that everyone observe the dress code at church. It isn't the unity of the rules and regulations, it's the unity of the spirit!
God calls us not ride off on our own little quest,ignoring everyone else. I am not called to the International Church of Jay, the church dedicated to the care and well being of Jay, making sure that Jay is happy and healthy and gets what he wants, needs and dare I say it, deserves. But too often that's where we find ourselves. That's the church that brings us road rage and people who say "It's not my fault you didn't think that was funny, I thought it was funny". They say that usually right after they've said something that's hurt you or humiliated you or made you feel stupid and small. But hey as long as they laughed because they're the only ones they worry about. You know what? We're called to be patient and gentle with those folks too.
God calls us to One Body, One Spirit, one hope, one lord, one faith, one baptism. The God that calls us is above all and in all and through all. The God that calls us isn't trapped in some little box somewhere, only during certain hours of the week and usually when a bunch of other people just like me are hanging around. God is everywhere and that's where he sends us. He tells us that this is not a gift that we are to hoard for ourselves. We are sent out into ALL the world. Where is that? Like God, it's everywhere. It's the students and teachers at school, it's the store clerks and the girl who works at the car wash, it's strangers and those slow people driving in front of you.
For our seniors this is an especially important message. You are about to leave your homes behind, your old lives behind and go into a strange land. And parts of it are scary and it becomes easy to doubt. So I would remind you that not long after the children of Israel gave that ringing endorsement of doing all that God asked they were worshipping a golden calf and that when Jesus called the 11 some doubted. But their doubts did not win, they did not let their doubts drown out the sound of God's voice in their lives. When the doubts grow strong remember the last thing that Jesus says to them. That He will be with you always, everywhere, until then end of time. Always and Everywhere. None of us are being sent out alone. We will NEVER be alone. As long as we remember:
God Calls.
Peace
Saturday, July 02, 2005
And we're back!
Back from Senior High.
It was incredible.
Details to follow.
In the meantime.......
Peace
It was incredible.
Details to follow.
In the meantime.......
| Which Star Wars Jedi/Sith are you? Yoda Dynamite in a small package, and long-lasting, like the Energizer bunny. While you are wise and calm, you are able to call on your killer instincts and be kick-ass. Some may call you a ‘sleeper’. With such great power comes some arrogance, but you are quick to return to humility and fix your mistakes. You have certainly left your mark on the world, in good and bad ways, and it was kinda sad to see you go. But no need to worry, you have gained immortality even though you can’t wield your toothpick of a lightsabre anymore.
|
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Peace
Thursday, June 23, 2005
A week Away
Well I've kinda caught up with this being my THIRD post of the week! Hope it makes up for not having a new post next week again. This time I have an excuse (other than carelessness or senility). I will be at our Senior High Conference next week. I am the conference director so I'll be hopping at times - and comatose the rest. It's a great event and we've got 41 young people signed up for it! That's very exciting after a difficult year last year. At the moment I'm into my last minute melt down mode, trying desperately to remember to bring, pack, prepare everything. I'm having DREAMS about camp! If you'd like to see what our conference looks like click on the title for this post and it'll take you there.
So I'll be back after the 4th of July. Till then I hope you have a great week and keep us in your prayers!
Peace
So I'll be back after the 4th of July. Till then I hope you have a great week and keep us in your prayers!
Peace
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Offered without Comment
Today the Episcopal Church (USA) will be making a presentation to the Anglican Consultative Council. The text of that presentation (a .pdf of 135 pages) is available at the link in the title of this entry.
I offer it without comment for your consideration.
Peace
I offer it without comment for your consideration.
Peace
Monday, June 20, 2005
For the Captain
Since yesterday was Father's Day I keep being nagged by the feeling that I should write something about my dad. I just don't know where to begin.
My dad has reached an almost "legendary" status in the family and I'm not sure I really want to continue down that road. He was human and a very real person. I can only imagine that he'd be less than impressed by having been reduced to a "legend".
My father was, as I commonly say, an engineer by training and a Naval officer by choice. He was a very intelligent man and one who believed in precision and discipline. His nickname is my given name and I look and sound like him. There's a picture from last fall where I look so much like him that it's a little frightening. It's made me realize that there's a part of me that doesn't want to look like the old man. Part of that comes with the name and the looks. I've been "little" J and "young" J and JD (to his JK) for most of my life. Being held up to that standard has always felt like an impossible burden. Even with "The Captain" gone for five years it still feels like I 'm just not going to live up to him. And I think that would make him sad.
I don't think that Pop ever wanted us (three boys in my family) to feel like he was setting us up to fall short. In fact I'm sure that his goal was to set us up to succeed. To have the discipline needed to survive the hard times and use our intelligence to guide us through the good times. I know that he took the task of parenthood very seriously. Looking back maybe we would have better off if he'd taken it just a shade less seriously. But he was a serious person.
I see a lot of him in me and my brothers, both good and bad. We've all gone our own ways, done our own things and on balance have done pretty well for ourselves. While some folks look at us, so reserved and quiet mostly, and think that we're not very close I know that's not true. In times of trouble my brothers have been there for me and I know that I can trust them completely. I hope they feel the same way about me. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them. And my dad. I see his negatives too. We can be brusque and none of us tolerate fools. Period. We're not real good at getting all emotionally expressive and don't trust that part of our personalities much. Big emotional displays will pretty much put us into shut down mode till we can "move on". I'm not apologizing for that, it's who we are. There are advantages and disadvantages to it. It can make it hard on the folks around us that we love. If I had to chose two guys to have on either side of me when the troubles begin they would be at the top of the list.
So I can't get away from who my father was because it's very much caught up in who I am. After five years I miss him, even the times when he made me feel like an idiot schoolboy. I was finally getting to the point where I could catch him out sometimes too. He loved cars, and intelligent people. If you were his friend it was for life. His friends are still some of the most amazing people I've ever known. As was he.
He married a pretty incredible woman too. I'll probably talk about her sometime too.
On Father's day I remembered my daddy, my pop, my daughter's "Grandpa Captain Sir"
Jack K Phillippi, USNR (dec)
Peace
My dad has reached an almost "legendary" status in the family and I'm not sure I really want to continue down that road. He was human and a very real person. I can only imagine that he'd be less than impressed by having been reduced to a "legend".
My father was, as I commonly say, an engineer by training and a Naval officer by choice. He was a very intelligent man and one who believed in precision and discipline. His nickname is my given name and I look and sound like him. There's a picture from last fall where I look so much like him that it's a little frightening. It's made me realize that there's a part of me that doesn't want to look like the old man. Part of that comes with the name and the looks. I've been "little" J and "young" J and JD (to his JK) for most of my life. Being held up to that standard has always felt like an impossible burden. Even with "The Captain" gone for five years it still feels like I 'm just not going to live up to him. And I think that would make him sad.
I don't think that Pop ever wanted us (three boys in my family) to feel like he was setting us up to fall short. In fact I'm sure that his goal was to set us up to succeed. To have the discipline needed to survive the hard times and use our intelligence to guide us through the good times. I know that he took the task of parenthood very seriously. Looking back maybe we would have better off if he'd taken it just a shade less seriously. But he was a serious person.
I see a lot of him in me and my brothers, both good and bad. We've all gone our own ways, done our own things and on balance have done pretty well for ourselves. While some folks look at us, so reserved and quiet mostly, and think that we're not very close I know that's not true. In times of trouble my brothers have been there for me and I know that I can trust them completely. I hope they feel the same way about me. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them. And my dad. I see his negatives too. We can be brusque and none of us tolerate fools. Period. We're not real good at getting all emotionally expressive and don't trust that part of our personalities much. Big emotional displays will pretty much put us into shut down mode till we can "move on". I'm not apologizing for that, it's who we are. There are advantages and disadvantages to it. It can make it hard on the folks around us that we love. If I had to chose two guys to have on either side of me when the troubles begin they would be at the top of the list.
So I can't get away from who my father was because it's very much caught up in who I am. After five years I miss him, even the times when he made me feel like an idiot schoolboy. I was finally getting to the point where I could catch him out sometimes too. He loved cars, and intelligent people. If you were his friend it was for life. His friends are still some of the most amazing people I've ever known. As was he.
He married a pretty incredible woman too. I'll probably talk about her sometime too.
On Father's day I remembered my daddy, my pop, my daughter's "Grandpa Captain Sir"
Jack K Phillippi, USNR (dec)
Peace
Friday, June 17, 2005
The subject of marriage
My friend Mindi is feeling the stress about marriage. A young man who used to be in my youth group just got married. I just realized that I will be traveling next year on my 24th wedding anniversary. Seems like marriage has been a recurring thought of late. So maybe it's time for me to talk it out.
First my former youth getting married - I've known John since he was about 6 and he was a handful and a half. One year on retreat when he was middle school age he got into a huge row with the kid he was rooming with that blew up into a confrontation with me and the other adults. John never had any of the "big" problems but he sometimes seemed to have a full portion of the "small" problems of growing up. And there he stood, in white tuxedo, so emotional about marrying the woman he loves that tears were streaming down his face. John really has grown up into a helluva nice guy, one that I'm proud to say is now a friend. Watching "my kids" grow and get married makes me feel old. But it also makes me fall in love with marriage all over again.
Mindi is feeling the cultural heat, I think, of a woman past a certain age that hasn't been married yet. Like somehow she's not a complete person. What a crock. As much as I love being married I've watched too many folks I know get married for the wrong reasons. (The list of "wrong reasons" to get married could fill a good sized book so I won't go into them here. I bet you can come up with a fairly complete list on your own) Putting pressure on ourselves and our loved ones (but do we really love someone that we inflict these kinds of ridiculous expectations on?) to get married just....well, because...is stupid, hurtful to the people involved and disrespectful to the institution of marriage. I hope and pray that the right person for Mindi comes along and they sweep each other mutually off their feet for a lifetime of crazed happiness.
Let me take a minute to talk about the disrespect for marriage. It starts with a glorification of weddings. This needs to be clear - a wedding is a one day event, marriage is intended to be the rest of your life. The current ongoing and growing rage for creating "fairy tale" weddings that are ever more grandiose and expensive is, in my opinion, an incredibly bad idea and disrespectful to marriage. When your wedding is "perfect" (spare me)and glorious and wonderful, how do you survive the day to day mundane rest of your life? How can it not suffer? Why would you not look at that other person shuffling out of bed in the morning with pillow head, puffy eyes and scruffy clothes and not find them seriously lacking in comparison to the vision that stood next to you at your wedding. Beyond that is the huge monetary outlay for a one day event instead of investing that money in the future of the couple. I'm a firm believer that marriages would be better off with simpler ceremonies followed by handing the young couple a check for the balance.
Every time I attend a wedding ceremony the words bring tears to my eyes and I end up holding hands with my wife. The vows I made that day over 23 years ago still have a hold on me. My lady wife and I have been through sickness and health in that time, I've been unemployed twice (so far), so has she, we're finishing up raising a child to adult hood (with that set of adventures), moved 7 times (so far)and in the end still find out greatest joy in one another. Just the sound of her voice still kicks up my heart rate, and doing anything is more fun if we do it together.
The longer I write the more thoughts I have about marriage but I'll knock it off now. With one last thought - I believe that the largest cause of divorce is not taking marriage seriously enough. Not so much DURING but BEFORE folks get married. We've made it all about the wrong things so we shouldn't be surprised when it blows up. There's wisdom in the old saw "Marry in haste, repent at leisure".
Peace
First my former youth getting married - I've known John since he was about 6 and he was a handful and a half. One year on retreat when he was middle school age he got into a huge row with the kid he was rooming with that blew up into a confrontation with me and the other adults. John never had any of the "big" problems but he sometimes seemed to have a full portion of the "small" problems of growing up. And there he stood, in white tuxedo, so emotional about marrying the woman he loves that tears were streaming down his face. John really has grown up into a helluva nice guy, one that I'm proud to say is now a friend. Watching "my kids" grow and get married makes me feel old. But it also makes me fall in love with marriage all over again.
Mindi is feeling the cultural heat, I think, of a woman past a certain age that hasn't been married yet. Like somehow she's not a complete person. What a crock. As much as I love being married I've watched too many folks I know get married for the wrong reasons. (The list of "wrong reasons" to get married could fill a good sized book so I won't go into them here. I bet you can come up with a fairly complete list on your own) Putting pressure on ourselves and our loved ones (but do we really love someone that we inflict these kinds of ridiculous expectations on?) to get married just....well, because...is stupid, hurtful to the people involved and disrespectful to the institution of marriage. I hope and pray that the right person for Mindi comes along and they sweep each other mutually off their feet for a lifetime of crazed happiness.
Let me take a minute to talk about the disrespect for marriage. It starts with a glorification of weddings. This needs to be clear - a wedding is a one day event, marriage is intended to be the rest of your life. The current ongoing and growing rage for creating "fairy tale" weddings that are ever more grandiose and expensive is, in my opinion, an incredibly bad idea and disrespectful to marriage. When your wedding is "perfect" (spare me)and glorious and wonderful, how do you survive the day to day mundane rest of your life? How can it not suffer? Why would you not look at that other person shuffling out of bed in the morning with pillow head, puffy eyes and scruffy clothes and not find them seriously lacking in comparison to the vision that stood next to you at your wedding. Beyond that is the huge monetary outlay for a one day event instead of investing that money in the future of the couple. I'm a firm believer that marriages would be better off with simpler ceremonies followed by handing the young couple a check for the balance.
Every time I attend a wedding ceremony the words bring tears to my eyes and I end up holding hands with my wife. The vows I made that day over 23 years ago still have a hold on me. My lady wife and I have been through sickness and health in that time, I've been unemployed twice (so far), so has she, we're finishing up raising a child to adult hood (with that set of adventures), moved 7 times (so far)and in the end still find out greatest joy in one another. Just the sound of her voice still kicks up my heart rate, and doing anything is more fun if we do it together.
The longer I write the more thoughts I have about marriage but I'll knock it off now. With one last thought - I believe that the largest cause of divorce is not taking marriage seriously enough. Not so much DURING but BEFORE folks get married. We've made it all about the wrong things so we shouldn't be surprised when it blows up. There's wisdom in the old saw "Marry in haste, repent at leisure".
Peace
blog tag
I saw this on Rev Ref's blog and took the challenge. Like him I won't "tag" someone (this is the blogosphere I don't got to follow no stinkin' rules!)but if you're passing through and would like to play go for it.
I couldn't resist because it's about books.
How many books do you own?
Umm, hundreds? And that doesn't count the hundreds I've given away because I run out of space. And my lady wife owns hundreds more and my daughter probably owns a hundred by herself. Yes, her father's house is full of book shelves.
What is the last book you bought?
Umm, wow. Let's see Mike Yacconelli's "Messy Spirituality" and Brian D. McLaren's "a Generous Orthodoxy". I was just given four books. So I now have something like 12 books sitting in a stack that I'm trying to get to.
What is the last book you read?
That I've finished was Yac's book from above. I'm most of the way through Stephen King's book "On Writing" for the third time. If you write I recommend it.
Name five books that mean alot:
Malcolm Boyd's "Are You Running With Me Jesus" and "Human Like Me". Both profoundly formative when I was a teenager. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" but I'll only count it as one book because I really think that's the way it was conceived. Kevin Lehman's book (Dr. Kevin Lehman to give him his due honor. Which isn't something Kevin worries about) "The Birth Order Book". Told me a LOT about why I am the way I am. And finally a book I have read and re-read and re-read for years. The People's Almanac editted by Wallechinsky and Wallace. Yes I was the kid who read the encyclopedia as a kid (Collier's Universal) and I love these kinds of books filled with trivia and history and whatever. I'm a geek, I know and I'm proud.
If you want to take up the challenge of the game, leave a comment telling me you're doing it and I promise I'll come read yours.
Peace
I couldn't resist because it's about books.
How many books do you own?
Umm, hundreds? And that doesn't count the hundreds I've given away because I run out of space. And my lady wife owns hundreds more and my daughter probably owns a hundred by herself. Yes, her father's house is full of book shelves.
What is the last book you bought?
Umm, wow. Let's see Mike Yacconelli's "Messy Spirituality" and Brian D. McLaren's "a Generous Orthodoxy". I was just given four books. So I now have something like 12 books sitting in a stack that I'm trying to get to.
What is the last book you read?
That I've finished was Yac's book from above. I'm most of the way through Stephen King's book "On Writing" for the third time. If you write I recommend it.
Name five books that mean alot:
Malcolm Boyd's "Are You Running With Me Jesus" and "Human Like Me". Both profoundly formative when I was a teenager. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" but I'll only count it as one book because I really think that's the way it was conceived. Kevin Lehman's book (Dr. Kevin Lehman to give him his due honor. Which isn't something Kevin worries about) "The Birth Order Book". Told me a LOT about why I am the way I am. And finally a book I have read and re-read and re-read for years. The People's Almanac editted by Wallechinsky and Wallace. Yes I was the kid who read the encyclopedia as a kid (Collier's Universal) and I love these kinds of books filled with trivia and history and whatever. I'm a geek, I know and I'm proud.
If you want to take up the challenge of the game, leave a comment telling me you're doing it and I promise I'll come read yours.
Peace
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Struggling on...
My apologies for missing a post last week. I've gotten into a groove making sure that I get something up on the blog every week and I feel badly when I miss. I've got several ideas perking around in my head ready to pour forth in the near future so maybe I can make up for it.
The reason I missed is camp. The run up to camp always feels like a death by a thousand cuts. My office is stacked with boxes as I try to remember to bring everything this year (hasn't happened yet. If I call home during the first couple days of camp my wife answers the phone with "What did you forget?"), my desk is littered with applications, health forms, scholarship forms, notes, phone messages, bills, contracts and I'm not sure what all else. At any given moment I'll have a dozen different thoughts clamoring for attention in my brain and the fevered certainty that I'm going to forget the most important one, or three, or five. Camp is a great experience and I really enjoy it at many levels but it exhausts me starting weeks before the event. (In fact I should be working on camp stuff right now. There are, let me check... 10 applications sitting on my desk, a phone message about a camper who indicated the wrong camp on her application, minutes from three meetings I need to type up, packages of materials that need to be assembled and sent to the staff of the first camp. Which is coming up in 10 days. I expect to be huddled under my desk giggling before 3 this afternoon)
I do have a little better grip on the "WHY" of this phenomenon today. On Monday I worked through a gifts discernment process that was pretty cool. We used "The 3 Colors of Ministry" by Christian Schwarz. What I discovered is that I do NOT have the gift of organization. This surely comes as no surprise to several of my previous employers and my wife's response to the news was a snort. Not in the top five, nor even the top ten. I tested out with organization in the lower half in fact. We were taught that doesn't mean I can't learn organizational skills just that I don't have a(and never will) gift for it. In fact I've kind of known that all along. My life became easier as I created spreadsheets to coordinate all the information that comes in. I have routines I use and I've learned to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN!. But it's still hard. I enjoy blue skying new events, I enjoy defining the outlines of how to do them, and working on the underlying theology and philosophy. In the end someone has to get down to the nitty gritty details. And the joy just flees for me. I grind away at it, procrastinate about it until I get behind and then I get angry and frustrated.
So I need to stop writing this and get to it. There's only 10 days left. Plus after this camp is our national youth gathering and I have things to prepare for it. Then there's another camp, followed by two camps in the same week. That's a lot of details waiting for me. Thousands more cuts still to come.
Sigh.
What gifts did I test out with? Top five are: Artistic/Creative, Teaching, Knowledge (the ability to develop new ideas that are useful to the church), Wisdom (the ability to apply what comes from Knowledge in real life terms), and Apostle (the gift of leadership on a larger scale). Not a bad set of gifts for a youth missioner. We also looked at the "latent" gifts, those that are sort of just bubbling under the surface and can be strengthened. They are Craftsmanship (working with my hands) Shepherding(the gift of making a long term commitment to a group), Leadership (curiously 68% of folks who have this gift also have the gift of Organization!), Evangelism, and Music.
So when I get a moment I'll think some more about these gifts. In the meantime there's some work to be done.
Peace
The reason I missed is camp. The run up to camp always feels like a death by a thousand cuts. My office is stacked with boxes as I try to remember to bring everything this year (hasn't happened yet. If I call home during the first couple days of camp my wife answers the phone with "What did you forget?"), my desk is littered with applications, health forms, scholarship forms, notes, phone messages, bills, contracts and I'm not sure what all else. At any given moment I'll have a dozen different thoughts clamoring for attention in my brain and the fevered certainty that I'm going to forget the most important one, or three, or five. Camp is a great experience and I really enjoy it at many levels but it exhausts me starting weeks before the event. (In fact I should be working on camp stuff right now. There are, let me check... 10 applications sitting on my desk, a phone message about a camper who indicated the wrong camp on her application, minutes from three meetings I need to type up, packages of materials that need to be assembled and sent to the staff of the first camp. Which is coming up in 10 days. I expect to be huddled under my desk giggling before 3 this afternoon)
I do have a little better grip on the "WHY" of this phenomenon today. On Monday I worked through a gifts discernment process that was pretty cool. We used "The 3 Colors of Ministry" by Christian Schwarz. What I discovered is that I do NOT have the gift of organization. This surely comes as no surprise to several of my previous employers and my wife's response to the news was a snort. Not in the top five, nor even the top ten. I tested out with organization in the lower half in fact. We were taught that doesn't mean I can't learn organizational skills just that I don't have a(and never will) gift for it. In fact I've kind of known that all along. My life became easier as I created spreadsheets to coordinate all the information that comes in. I have routines I use and I've learned to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN!. But it's still hard. I enjoy blue skying new events, I enjoy defining the outlines of how to do them, and working on the underlying theology and philosophy. In the end someone has to get down to the nitty gritty details. And the joy just flees for me. I grind away at it, procrastinate about it until I get behind and then I get angry and frustrated.
So I need to stop writing this and get to it. There's only 10 days left. Plus after this camp is our national youth gathering and I have things to prepare for it. Then there's another camp, followed by two camps in the same week. That's a lot of details waiting for me. Thousands more cuts still to come.
Sigh.
What gifts did I test out with? Top five are: Artistic/Creative, Teaching, Knowledge (the ability to develop new ideas that are useful to the church), Wisdom (the ability to apply what comes from Knowledge in real life terms), and Apostle (the gift of leadership on a larger scale). Not a bad set of gifts for a youth missioner. We also looked at the "latent" gifts, those that are sort of just bubbling under the surface and can be strengthened. They are Craftsmanship (working with my hands) Shepherding(the gift of making a long term commitment to a group), Leadership (curiously 68% of folks who have this gift also have the gift of Organization!), Evangelism, and Music.
So when I get a moment I'll think some more about these gifts. In the meantime there's some work to be done.
Peace
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Of Bats and confusion
A couple things to share.
I learned years ago that if I was to have any chance of getting everything done I had to write it down. There is a constantly updated list of tasks sitting on my desk reminding me of what I need to do, want to do, have promised to do. The current iteration is 14 tasks long (with several items that are also multiples so the number of jobs to do is actually about 20). Or so I thought. I was just reviewing it to see what had to be done NOW and noticed that #8 read "Clear Pile", referring to the pile of paper that always builds up on the right hand corner of my desk. Further down at #11 is the notation "Clear Pile". I haven't gotten to the pile yet, but my list just got one job shorter! Life is good. LOL.
(OK, I felt guilty and actually cleared the pile. Or at least sifted it, filed appropriately and got it under control)
We had a bat come visit us at home last night. Our apartment is the second floor of a century old farm house and we get a visitor a year. At the first sign of something flying my lady wife and teenaged daughter scurry (there is no other word for it) into a room that is 1: Bat free, and 2: has a door that latches. Remember this is an OLD house and not all the doors shut securely. Then they call me. To rescue them.
SIGH.
Can I admit that bats give me the willies too? One of my first jobs was as a dishwasher at camp (the "Kitchen Boys" were the absolute TOP of the social ladder at this camp. Don't ask me why. It was the pinnacle of my teen years when I made the grade and was chosen as a kitchen boy). One of our tasks was chasing down the bats that got into the main house periodically. That building was also the girls dorm so we were all the girls hero, plus we got to trespass in restricted space (hmmm, maybe this whole kitchen boy social thing is making more sense now!) So I've been in the bat business for a while. And they still make my skin crawl.
Don't get me wrong I know that this part of the country would be virtually un-livable without our little brown buddies. I know that they are no more likely to be a rabies carrier than any other wild animal I run into, and that the bat is no more thrilled about being in my house than I am to have him there. But I much prefer them outside!
So my little brown buddy was hanging from a crack in the wall when I got home and was very calm while I prepared myself. In fact he was so calm I couldn't get him to fly when I needed him to! It took the usual 10 minutes to herd him into the direction I wanted (toward the open door. Praying all the time "Don't any more come in, don't any more come in!") Then another five frustrating minutes when he just REFUSED to fly low enough to go out the door. I always feel sorry at this point because I know the animal is frightened and just wants to get away from this lunatic human. Finally he fled and I quickly closed various doors and windows and told my two girls they could come out.
As has become tradition I'm greeted with the words "Our hero" and big hugs.
So I guess this bat chasing stuff has its advantages.
Peace
I learned years ago that if I was to have any chance of getting everything done I had to write it down. There is a constantly updated list of tasks sitting on my desk reminding me of what I need to do, want to do, have promised to do. The current iteration is 14 tasks long (with several items that are also multiples so the number of jobs to do is actually about 20). Or so I thought. I was just reviewing it to see what had to be done NOW and noticed that #8 read "Clear Pile", referring to the pile of paper that always builds up on the right hand corner of my desk. Further down at #11 is the notation "Clear Pile". I haven't gotten to the pile yet, but my list just got one job shorter! Life is good. LOL.
(OK, I felt guilty and actually cleared the pile. Or at least sifted it, filed appropriately and got it under control)
We had a bat come visit us at home last night. Our apartment is the second floor of a century old farm house and we get a visitor a year. At the first sign of something flying my lady wife and teenaged daughter scurry (there is no other word for it) into a room that is 1: Bat free, and 2: has a door that latches. Remember this is an OLD house and not all the doors shut securely. Then they call me. To rescue them.
SIGH.
Can I admit that bats give me the willies too? One of my first jobs was as a dishwasher at camp (the "Kitchen Boys" were the absolute TOP of the social ladder at this camp. Don't ask me why. It was the pinnacle of my teen years when I made the grade and was chosen as a kitchen boy). One of our tasks was chasing down the bats that got into the main house periodically. That building was also the girls dorm so we were all the girls hero, plus we got to trespass in restricted space (hmmm, maybe this whole kitchen boy social thing is making more sense now!) So I've been in the bat business for a while. And they still make my skin crawl.
Don't get me wrong I know that this part of the country would be virtually un-livable without our little brown buddies. I know that they are no more likely to be a rabies carrier than any other wild animal I run into, and that the bat is no more thrilled about being in my house than I am to have him there. But I much prefer them outside!
So my little brown buddy was hanging from a crack in the wall when I got home and was very calm while I prepared myself. In fact he was so calm I couldn't get him to fly when I needed him to! It took the usual 10 minutes to herd him into the direction I wanted (toward the open door. Praying all the time "Don't any more come in, don't any more come in!") Then another five frustrating minutes when he just REFUSED to fly low enough to go out the door. I always feel sorry at this point because I know the animal is frightened and just wants to get away from this lunatic human. Finally he fled and I quickly closed various doors and windows and told my two girls they could come out.
As has become tradition I'm greeted with the words "Our hero" and big hugs.
So I guess this bat chasing stuff has its advantages.
Peace
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
How's Your Cape fit?
This is my column from the June issue of "ChurchActs" the newspaper of the Diocese of WNY
I came across a quote from Rick Lawrence who is the editor of Group magazine, one of the premier youth ministry magazines in the world. He said:
"When it comes to impacting teenagers for Christ, who’s the superhero and who’s the sidekick? Well, both Christian and secular researchers [show that youth workers are] Robin and kids’ parents are Batman. I mean that parents who are only doing a mediocre job of impacting their kids’ faith journey can still out-impact the best youth minister in the world. Parents—not the church or the culture or friends—hold the keys to their kids’ long-term faith trajectory."
Wow.
As the parent of a teen myself I have to admit that sounds like a huge burden on my shoulders. Doesn't Rick know how hard it is to raise a kid in this culture? Doesn't he realize the existing stress of struggling with career issues, economic issues, over-scheduling issues (mine and the kid's), and the getting-older-and-watching-my-body-fall-apart issues while trying to be a parent? Let alone those of us who have to try and do this ALONE!
Actually I'm pretty sure he's aware of all of that. Just as I'm sure that he's not trying to add more stuff to our already over flowing plate. It's just that in a world that loves to make fun of parents, that tells us how hard it is, that wants us to be worried about all kinds of other stuff we need to make sure that we don't lose all hope. Very easily we can feel like we can't make a difference and quit. Just accept that if we get them out of high school in some reasonable semblance of good order then we've done our job.
Of course the other argument is that most of us don't feel like we're really ready, prepared or qualified to be teaching our kids about faith. Face it we struggle with it most days and not many of us consider ourselves Bible scholars. So how are we supposed to lead our children deeper in a journey of faith?
So now for some good news, you're better qualified than you think. And as the studies show you're actually better at it than you think. This is less about your ability to lead bible studies or do in depth explanations of theology than how you show your children about living a life in faith. It's about how you treat the people you love in your life and the people that you really don't like. Your children will learn about a life in faith by how you react when you're cut off in traffic. You'll have an impact on them what you do when you're faced with commitments made that you really don't want to fulfill. Their life in faith will be shaped not only by whether or not you go to church but what you do every other day of the week.
Sure it wouldn't hurt for them to see you open the Bible every once in a while and read it. Sincerely praying together as a family every once in a while would be a bonus too. Letting them see you pray personally is also a good idea. But it's not about slapping some new “church-y” behaviors in your life. It is about making your faith a real part of your life and doing the best you can to live it out. Be honest about the days when it's tough. As they get old enough tell them about when your faith has been tested and when it has given you strength. Share the story of your faith, even if you think you're a rotten story teller. You'll be amazed at the effect you have.
As for the bible studies and the theology? Don't worry, there are plenty of youth ministers and clergy persons around to pick up the other stuff. It's our job to fill in the spaces between the foundation pieces that you'll put in place. Remember, YOU are the super hero. We're just the sidekick.
So fire up the Batmobile and let's go.
Peace
I came across a quote from Rick Lawrence who is the editor of Group magazine, one of the premier youth ministry magazines in the world. He said:
"When it comes to impacting teenagers for Christ, who’s the superhero and who’s the sidekick? Well, both Christian and secular researchers [show that youth workers are] Robin and kids’ parents are Batman. I mean that parents who are only doing a mediocre job of impacting their kids’ faith journey can still out-impact the best youth minister in the world. Parents—not the church or the culture or friends—hold the keys to their kids’ long-term faith trajectory."
Wow.
As the parent of a teen myself I have to admit that sounds like a huge burden on my shoulders. Doesn't Rick know how hard it is to raise a kid in this culture? Doesn't he realize the existing stress of struggling with career issues, economic issues, over-scheduling issues (mine and the kid's), and the getting-older-and-watching-my-body-fall-apart issues while trying to be a parent? Let alone those of us who have to try and do this ALONE!
Actually I'm pretty sure he's aware of all of that. Just as I'm sure that he's not trying to add more stuff to our already over flowing plate. It's just that in a world that loves to make fun of parents, that tells us how hard it is, that wants us to be worried about all kinds of other stuff we need to make sure that we don't lose all hope. Very easily we can feel like we can't make a difference and quit. Just accept that if we get them out of high school in some reasonable semblance of good order then we've done our job.
Of course the other argument is that most of us don't feel like we're really ready, prepared or qualified to be teaching our kids about faith. Face it we struggle with it most days and not many of us consider ourselves Bible scholars. So how are we supposed to lead our children deeper in a journey of faith?
So now for some good news, you're better qualified than you think. And as the studies show you're actually better at it than you think. This is less about your ability to lead bible studies or do in depth explanations of theology than how you show your children about living a life in faith. It's about how you treat the people you love in your life and the people that you really don't like. Your children will learn about a life in faith by how you react when you're cut off in traffic. You'll have an impact on them what you do when you're faced with commitments made that you really don't want to fulfill. Their life in faith will be shaped not only by whether or not you go to church but what you do every other day of the week.
Sure it wouldn't hurt for them to see you open the Bible every once in a while and read it. Sincerely praying together as a family every once in a while would be a bonus too. Letting them see you pray personally is also a good idea. But it's not about slapping some new “church-y” behaviors in your life. It is about making your faith a real part of your life and doing the best you can to live it out. Be honest about the days when it's tough. As they get old enough tell them about when your faith has been tested and when it has given you strength. Share the story of your faith, even if you think you're a rotten story teller. You'll be amazed at the effect you have.
As for the bible studies and the theology? Don't worry, there are plenty of youth ministers and clergy persons around to pick up the other stuff. It's our job to fill in the spaces between the foundation pieces that you'll put in place. Remember, YOU are the super hero. We're just the sidekick.
So fire up the Batmobile and let's go.
Peace
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Correcting an error
I'm afraid I have to admit to committing something of a blogger's social faux pas. I read and comment at other people's blogs and take inspiration from them. Yet I've never offered a link to those sites. The blogosphere is an intricately interlinked community and I've been cheating by not linking you with some of the great folks out there. So I've added three links today and I'll be looking at more links in the future.
A note on my process for choosing links. I go to some blogs and see huge long lists of links. And they overwhelm me. I have no idea how those blogs were chosen for their spot (heck I'm on some of those lists!). I'm going to link to blogs that have inspired me and given me cause to think. I hope my list grows long too. But that probably means that some of my friends who blog won't make the list. I visit their blogs to keep in touch with them or their ministry. That's a valid and important reason to blog and to read those blogs. What I want to offer here with my blog and the links are resources that take us beyond the everyday. That offer us the chance to make our lives a little different.
So it's no surprise that numero uno on my list is Real Live Preacher. He is the most amazing writer I've come across in the blog world bar none. As far as I'm concerned if you can only read one blog in your life read his and not mine. And I'm not alone in that assessment. His blogs are good enough that a publishing company put out a book of his stuff and he's been invited to write regularly for Christian Century. He's a Baptist preacher unlike any Baptist preacher I've ever known. He makes me laugh and cry and pray. Someday I hope to be half the writer he is.
Second (and this sounds like an utter suck up to RLP above) is Dylan's Lectionary Blog. I say it's a suckup because the Preacher just recommended her too. It was that blog that brought my social failing front and center to my attention. Because you see I already read Dylan's blog and enjoyed it. And I hadn't shared it. Sarah Dylan Breuer is a fellow Episcopalian (while not being a fellow at all), priest and doctoral candidate. She's also a heckuva writer. If you're looking for a reflection on the lectionary that offers both depth and readability I recommend hers. Good stuff.
Finally my third entry is for Reverend Ref. Another Episcopal priest who says the blog is about "Thoughts on ordained ministry in a small town, parish life, ECUSA and maybe even football". Again a wonderful writer, someone who makes me pause and think and laugh and pray. Beyond that his blog was the very first to offer a link back here to me. It was the best moments of my life as a blogger. But he really makes the list because his blog is so darn good.
You'll find lots of links on these folks pages and I encourage you to check some of them out. If you find one you really like drop me a line and I may add it to the list.
A note on my process for choosing links. I go to some blogs and see huge long lists of links. And they overwhelm me. I have no idea how those blogs were chosen for their spot (heck I'm on some of those lists!). I'm going to link to blogs that have inspired me and given me cause to think. I hope my list grows long too. But that probably means that some of my friends who blog won't make the list. I visit their blogs to keep in touch with them or their ministry. That's a valid and important reason to blog and to read those blogs. What I want to offer here with my blog and the links are resources that take us beyond the everyday. That offer us the chance to make our lives a little different.
So it's no surprise that numero uno on my list is Real Live Preacher. He is the most amazing writer I've come across in the blog world bar none. As far as I'm concerned if you can only read one blog in your life read his and not mine. And I'm not alone in that assessment. His blogs are good enough that a publishing company put out a book of his stuff and he's been invited to write regularly for Christian Century. He's a Baptist preacher unlike any Baptist preacher I've ever known. He makes me laugh and cry and pray. Someday I hope to be half the writer he is.
Second (and this sounds like an utter suck up to RLP above) is Dylan's Lectionary Blog. I say it's a suckup because the Preacher just recommended her too. It was that blog that brought my social failing front and center to my attention. Because you see I already read Dylan's blog and enjoyed it. And I hadn't shared it. Sarah Dylan Breuer is a fellow Episcopalian (while not being a fellow at all), priest and doctoral candidate. She's also a heckuva writer. If you're looking for a reflection on the lectionary that offers both depth and readability I recommend hers. Good stuff.
Finally my third entry is for Reverend Ref. Another Episcopal priest who says the blog is about "Thoughts on ordained ministry in a small town, parish life, ECUSA and maybe even football". Again a wonderful writer, someone who makes me pause and think and laugh and pray. Beyond that his blog was the very first to offer a link back here to me. It was the best moments of my life as a blogger. But he really makes the list because his blog is so darn good.
You'll find lots of links on these folks pages and I encourage you to check some of them out. If you find one you really like drop me a line and I may add it to the list.
Friday, May 06, 2005
A little different
Ok I've been way too serious recently. So I checked out a poll. And was totally surprised by the result.
Peace
Peace
Culture Comment -The Runaway Bride
Periodically I see (oh hell let's be honest. It's with amazing regularity) a story in the news that reminds me of how far our culture is from a life guided by faith and an understanding of what God wants from us. Usually I just shake my head and think that something needs to be done.
Well I write a blog that's about living a life in faith. If I don't use this forum to comment then what use am I? So as the spirit moves me, make that as the Spirit moves me, I'm going to give you my view on the point where faith and life should come together.
Unless you've given up on the news you've probably seen the story about Jennifer Wilbanks, the bride who disappeared just days before her wedding leading to a huge manhunt. She turned up three days later with a story about being kidnapped which she almost immediately recanted (there's a link in the title of this entry, just click on it).
This isn't about her.
It's about how so many people and commentators have reacted to the story. So much of the commentary I've heard has been to make fun of this young woman and to insist that her fiancé would be a fool to marry her. That he should cut and run and never look back.
I just don't get that.
Well check that, yes I do. What passes for commentary these days is mostly smug "Aren't I clever" nonsense based on the idea that who ever can be the most obnoxious is the coolest and the smartest and the best. Color me unimpressed. Making up our minds based on minimal, usually superficial information is not what the smartest people do. It's what ill informed talking heads do. It's what school yard bullies do. If that's what makes you cool then I'm utterly content to be un-cool.
Here's what we do know:
They appear to have been in love. She appears to have gotten overwhelmed by something or a whole bunch of somethings leading up to her pretty enormous wedding. She split. Other than worrying the daylights out of everybody, making her community waste a fair bit of time and money, and making up a really stupid story I don't see where she's done anything that would cause her fiancé to want to walk away from her.
Unless you buy the cultural value that says "It's all about me". Our entire culture today has moved to a stance that makes this self-centered, selfish point of view not only common but legitimate. All the young man in question has to say is "You hurt me, I shouldn't be treated this way" then he has every excuse to walk away. All he has to do is discount any pain or concerns of the woman he supposedly loves and it's easy. Somewhere along the line we've forgotten that any relationship, let alone marriage, is supposed to be about us, not me.
There may come a time when he realizes, or the two of the them together realize, that their relationship doesn't work. But it should be the two of them caring for one another that makes the decision. I have no doubt that there are some hard times ahead for them as they try to hammer this relationship out.
What they don't need is a lot of empty headed commentary designed only to make the commentators look "smart". And the rest of us need to let the talking heads know they need to shut their yaps. In the meantime we could all offer up a prayer for this young couple. That would be actually useful.
Peace
Well I write a blog that's about living a life in faith. If I don't use this forum to comment then what use am I? So as the spirit moves me, make that as the Spirit moves me, I'm going to give you my view on the point where faith and life should come together.
Unless you've given up on the news you've probably seen the story about Jennifer Wilbanks, the bride who disappeared just days before her wedding leading to a huge manhunt. She turned up three days later with a story about being kidnapped which she almost immediately recanted (there's a link in the title of this entry, just click on it).
This isn't about her.
It's about how so many people and commentators have reacted to the story. So much of the commentary I've heard has been to make fun of this young woman and to insist that her fiancé would be a fool to marry her. That he should cut and run and never look back.
I just don't get that.
Well check that, yes I do. What passes for commentary these days is mostly smug "Aren't I clever" nonsense based on the idea that who ever can be the most obnoxious is the coolest and the smartest and the best. Color me unimpressed. Making up our minds based on minimal, usually superficial information is not what the smartest people do. It's what ill informed talking heads do. It's what school yard bullies do. If that's what makes you cool then I'm utterly content to be un-cool.
Here's what we do know:
They appear to have been in love. She appears to have gotten overwhelmed by something or a whole bunch of somethings leading up to her pretty enormous wedding. She split. Other than worrying the daylights out of everybody, making her community waste a fair bit of time and money, and making up a really stupid story I don't see where she's done anything that would cause her fiancé to want to walk away from her.
Unless you buy the cultural value that says "It's all about me". Our entire culture today has moved to a stance that makes this self-centered, selfish point of view not only common but legitimate. All the young man in question has to say is "You hurt me, I shouldn't be treated this way" then he has every excuse to walk away. All he has to do is discount any pain or concerns of the woman he supposedly loves and it's easy. Somewhere along the line we've forgotten that any relationship, let alone marriage, is supposed to be about us, not me.
There may come a time when he realizes, or the two of the them together realize, that their relationship doesn't work. But it should be the two of them caring for one another that makes the decision. I have no doubt that there are some hard times ahead for them as they try to hammer this relationship out.
What they don't need is a lot of empty headed commentary designed only to make the commentators look "smart". And the rest of us need to let the talking heads know they need to shut their yaps. In the meantime we could all offer up a prayer for this young couple. That would be actually useful.
Peace
Monday, May 02, 2005
Again and again and again...
I don't much like re-runs. While I'm willing to admit they have a value (sometimes I miss an episode the first time through, or it's one like the "Two Cathedrals" episode of the West Wing that really speak to me deeply)watching a re-run is way down on my list of things I'd rather do. This creates a little conflict with the lady in my life who loves watching re-runs of her favorite shows. I believe she has now committed to memory every episode of the entire run of M*A*S*H.
This next bit will sound like I'm backtracking but I'm not. I do watch my favorite movies more than once. I also read my favorite books again and again (I'm reading "Catch 22" for probably the 6th time right now) It's just that I like to have a little space between times that I view or read something. I want it to fade in my memory just a little bit so that when I see or read it next I can have at least a little bit of an "AH-HA!" moment again.
All of this is introduction to a phenomenon that I encounter with one particular book. Over the last couple years I keep getting surprised by those Ah-Ha moments when I'm reading a book that I've read or had read to me literally thousands of times in my life. It happens when I read the Bible.
For a lot of Episcopalians the concept of personal reading of the Bible isn't as deeply ingrained as it is with some other denominations. Part of this comes from the fact that we hear a lot more Scripture during worship than many others do. Show up at an Episcopal church on Sunday and you will likely get an OT reading AND a NT reading AND a psalm PLUS the Gospel. That's a good thing. The other reason why we don't is, IMO, that as a church we do a rotten job of helping folks approach the Bible. And that's a bad thing. Because as I said, it's amazing how often you can be surprised by what's in there.
For example, a couple years ago I was the leader of a bible study (astoundingly my leadership didn't seem to damage anyone's chances at immortal salvation). I felt pretty confident as we worked our way through the story of Noah. Till we hit the part that FOLLOWS the Sunday school section. Do you know the part about drunk, naked Noah? About him getting all unreasonable when his children try to help him while he's drunk, naked and passed out? Total surprise to me.
Plus there are the more useful surprises. Like a recent lectio divina session I did where we were discussing the story of the woman who breaks the jar of nard, expensive perfume, over Jesus's head. She gets criticized for it. Now at that time I was feeling overwhelmed. Too much to do, and no matter what I got done I felt guilty because it meant that I'd set something else aside. The image I use is it feels like a koosh ball (if you've never seen one imagine a ball made up of a thousand rubber bands with one end in the center and the other forming the outer "edge" of the ball) that has someone pulling on every single strand at the same time. There's lots of tension but very little movement. That's how I felt as we studied this familiar bible story. It was Jesus's response to the criticism that blew me away.
"She did what she could"
Those words, which I'd heard a dozen(?), a hundred(?) times before hit me like a lightning bolt. For me at that moment it was an astounding "new" discovery in the midst of a scriptural re-run. And it keeps on happening.
So if you don't already read your bible on a regular basis let me offer this suggestion for starting. Find a version that is comfortable for you. I use the Revised Standard Version. I like the flow of the language and mine has great footnotes. There are some great study bibles out there. Or try The Message which is in very real, everyday kind of English with no little verse numbers to mess with you. (You do know those are NOT original right? The chapter and verse thing was added much later. So why get hung up on it? Real books aren't written that way) Then just pick a place to start. I recommend starting with a Gospel, like Mark. Why Mark? 'Cause it's the shortest. 16 chapters in less than 26 pages in my Bible. (Don't get hung up on length. I mean The Third Letter of John is less than a page but may not be a great starting point.) Then just read it chunks. Pick a length (a page, a chapter, a story at a time)or read till you hit something that makes you want to stop and think a little. When you hit your limit stop and think about it.
You may be surprised at what you discover in that re-run.
Peace
This next bit will sound like I'm backtracking but I'm not. I do watch my favorite movies more than once. I also read my favorite books again and again (I'm reading "Catch 22" for probably the 6th time right now) It's just that I like to have a little space between times that I view or read something. I want it to fade in my memory just a little bit so that when I see or read it next I can have at least a little bit of an "AH-HA!" moment again.
All of this is introduction to a phenomenon that I encounter with one particular book. Over the last couple years I keep getting surprised by those Ah-Ha moments when I'm reading a book that I've read or had read to me literally thousands of times in my life. It happens when I read the Bible.
For a lot of Episcopalians the concept of personal reading of the Bible isn't as deeply ingrained as it is with some other denominations. Part of this comes from the fact that we hear a lot more Scripture during worship than many others do. Show up at an Episcopal church on Sunday and you will likely get an OT reading AND a NT reading AND a psalm PLUS the Gospel. That's a good thing. The other reason why we don't is, IMO, that as a church we do a rotten job of helping folks approach the Bible. And that's a bad thing. Because as I said, it's amazing how often you can be surprised by what's in there.
For example, a couple years ago I was the leader of a bible study (astoundingly my leadership didn't seem to damage anyone's chances at immortal salvation). I felt pretty confident as we worked our way through the story of Noah. Till we hit the part that FOLLOWS the Sunday school section. Do you know the part about drunk, naked Noah? About him getting all unreasonable when his children try to help him while he's drunk, naked and passed out? Total surprise to me.
Plus there are the more useful surprises. Like a recent lectio divina session I did where we were discussing the story of the woman who breaks the jar of nard, expensive perfume, over Jesus's head. She gets criticized for it. Now at that time I was feeling overwhelmed. Too much to do, and no matter what I got done I felt guilty because it meant that I'd set something else aside. The image I use is it feels like a koosh ball (if you've never seen one imagine a ball made up of a thousand rubber bands with one end in the center and the other forming the outer "edge" of the ball) that has someone pulling on every single strand at the same time. There's lots of tension but very little movement. That's how I felt as we studied this familiar bible story. It was Jesus's response to the criticism that blew me away.
"She did what she could"
Those words, which I'd heard a dozen(?), a hundred(?) times before hit me like a lightning bolt. For me at that moment it was an astounding "new" discovery in the midst of a scriptural re-run. And it keeps on happening.
So if you don't already read your bible on a regular basis let me offer this suggestion for starting. Find a version that is comfortable for you. I use the Revised Standard Version. I like the flow of the language and mine has great footnotes. There are some great study bibles out there. Or try The Message which is in very real, everyday kind of English with no little verse numbers to mess with you. (You do know those are NOT original right? The chapter and verse thing was added much later. So why get hung up on it? Real books aren't written that way) Then just pick a place to start. I recommend starting with a Gospel, like Mark. Why Mark? 'Cause it's the shortest. 16 chapters in less than 26 pages in my Bible. (Don't get hung up on length. I mean The Third Letter of John is less than a page but may not be a great starting point.) Then just read it chunks. Pick a length (a page, a chapter, a story at a time)or read till you hit something that makes you want to stop and think a little. When you hit your limit stop and think about it.
You may be surprised at what you discover in that re-run.
Peace
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
A marred trip
I just got back from a trip to one of my favorite cities in the world, San Antonio Texas. Sadly I didn't get to enjoy it as much as usual. Even worse one of the major reasons I didn't enjoy myself was because of the bad behavior of a group of young people.
For those of us who work with young people it's especially painful when we see them living down to every stereotype. In this case it wasn't high school aged youth but college young adults. In fact members of the Delta Sigma Phi fraternity and their girlfriends. Like all members of Greek letter societies they wear their logos proudly so there's no doubt in my mind. The hotel staff also apologized for the behavior of the "fraternity" that was there.
A large group of them were staying in the hotel and most of them were on my floor. How bad were they? One morning when I made an off hand comment about wanting to take a baseball bat to some of my neighbors the clerk at the front desk looked at me, asked if I was on the tenth floor (yes) and then said "Go ahead". Seems I wasn't the only one with complaints. Complaints about the rampaging up and down the halls till 3, 4 or 5 AM, the drunkenness, the loud sex, the banging doors and apparently , based on comments from the hotel staff, a certain level of destruction. I could just imagine trying to convince some adult with doubts about raising up more young leaders after they'd had to spend a night trying to get some sleep.
Please don't get me wrong. I was willing to let them have some fun. It was Thurs, Fri and Sat nights during Fiesta in San Antonio. Rocking and rolling till midnight or even 1 AM would be within my limits (which are more generous than some folks). But some of us had work to do and needed sleep. Simple common courtesy should have kicked in at some point. If you want to party all night long find a night club. And there was no place to move for me since the hotel was full.
So in the end my attitude towards fraternities stayed the same (very low. I've known some outstanding individuals Greeks but I was GDI in college). And I realize that my efforts to get young people taken seriously is even harder. Not only because of the effect of other folks but because of the effect on me. It's inevitable that the next time a group of youth start whooping it up late into the day I'm gonna think:
It's San Antonio all over again.
Who wants those kinds of thoughts associated with your favorite city?
Thanks a lot Delta Sigma Phi.
Peace
For those of us who work with young people it's especially painful when we see them living down to every stereotype. In this case it wasn't high school aged youth but college young adults. In fact members of the Delta Sigma Phi fraternity and their girlfriends. Like all members of Greek letter societies they wear their logos proudly so there's no doubt in my mind. The hotel staff also apologized for the behavior of the "fraternity" that was there.
A large group of them were staying in the hotel and most of them were on my floor. How bad were they? One morning when I made an off hand comment about wanting to take a baseball bat to some of my neighbors the clerk at the front desk looked at me, asked if I was on the tenth floor (yes) and then said "Go ahead". Seems I wasn't the only one with complaints. Complaints about the rampaging up and down the halls till 3, 4 or 5 AM, the drunkenness, the loud sex, the banging doors and apparently , based on comments from the hotel staff, a certain level of destruction. I could just imagine trying to convince some adult with doubts about raising up more young leaders after they'd had to spend a night trying to get some sleep.
Please don't get me wrong. I was willing to let them have some fun. It was Thurs, Fri and Sat nights during Fiesta in San Antonio. Rocking and rolling till midnight or even 1 AM would be within my limits (which are more generous than some folks). But some of us had work to do and needed sleep. Simple common courtesy should have kicked in at some point. If you want to party all night long find a night club. And there was no place to move for me since the hotel was full.
So in the end my attitude towards fraternities stayed the same (very low. I've known some outstanding individuals Greeks but I was GDI in college). And I realize that my efforts to get young people taken seriously is even harder. Not only because of the effect of other folks but because of the effect on me. It's inevitable that the next time a group of youth start whooping it up late into the day I'm gonna think:
It's San Antonio all over again.
Who wants those kinds of thoughts associated with your favorite city?
Thanks a lot Delta Sigma Phi.
Peace
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