Thursday, October 16, 2008

Isn't Life a laugh?

I thought I'd reached the point where I could just laugh. That point when the sadness and the bad news either tip you over into the dark night of the soul or into a crystalline realization of the absurdity of it all.

All the stuff from last week. Followed by a really good Monday in the market and an OK Tuesday. Then a calamitous Wednesday. Then the sunroof in my lady wife's car decides to stop working, with the roof cracked open. And her transmission is acting strange. And my car has worn out a wheel bearing. Then the shop calls to say the wheel bearing is actually a wheel HUB because it was built as one big, expensive piece ($259 just for the part) and oh by the way your front brakes are SHOT. 600 dollars later...

I thought I'd found the tipping point into laughter.

Then an e-mail. A friend. A fellow youth minister. A fellow diocesan staff person from not that far away. His position has been eliminated. He'll be out of work with a mortgage and a new baby just in time to greet the New Year.

And my brain shut down. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think.

So I do little things. Things that keep me busy without asking too much from my resources. I'm sorry all lines are busy. Your request is still being processed. I send a quick note to my friend, reaching out in what small way I can at this moment. I do futzy little office things. Things that need to be done but are simple. I take a walk only to discover it's too damn cold for a walk with no jacket. So it's a short walk.

I'm sorry but when does this shit storm end? Yes I'm almost ready to lay in a stock of food and water, board up the windows and post the sign "Keep Out - trespassers will be shot".

My lady wife won't permit it. I know her and that answer is just not on. She's told me that she believes we'll be OK, no matter what. And she's so sure. And I want to believe. Maybe this is how it's supposed to work. She's here to be strong for me when I quail before the darkness. When she was so sick I tried to be strong for her. We weathered that storm together.

I keep remembering the story of Jesus and the disciples in the boat in the storm. And they woke him crying "Don't you care that we're going to die?!?". And he calmed the storm and asked them "Why were you afraid?".

I don't know Lord. But I am. And I waiting for the storm to calm.

Maybe then I'll laugh.


1 comment:

forsythia said...

I don't know what to say. I hope the sun breaks through for you soon. Dress up warm the next time you take a walk.